The Great Escapes of Camelot
by beingbored
Summary: The citizens of Camelot have a nasty habit of getting captured by all sorts of crazy people. This series of one-shots goes into detail about all of the daring, noble (or not so noble), and cunning escapes of our heroes.
1. A Kicked Puppy

**Peabodythecat gave me this wonderful idea after I posted "Percival's Plight". This will just be a series of one-shots that should remain relatively upbeat. I'll try and put warnings on the darker ones.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin**

Why the stupid prat had to go on another one of his stupid hunting trips again Merlin would never know. They always ended badly with the group being attacked by bandits, attacked by sorcerers, attacked by monsters, and attacked by sorcerer bandits with pet monsters. After awhile it got hard to tell the attacks apart.

This time it was bandits. No, wait mercenaries for hire. Actually it was probably -oh never mind. It didn't matter what form of criminal the group aligned themselves with, all that mattered was the fact that they had caught the Knights of the Round Table off guard. They outnumbered them greatly, and they now held the knights, the king, and Merlin as prisoners in a makeshift camp. This day couldn't possibly get any worse.

"Make sure to tie up the big one nice and tight!" One of the bandits, who Merlin decided to call Toothless, shouted as three more men lunged at the already struggling Percival. It was only due to size that Percival had incapacitated about five or so men since their capture. The knights were all putting up a brave fight. Kicking, punching, and biting their way to the camp, making their dislike of being captured very clear.

Merlin wasn't putting up much of a fight. He instead opted for the route of staying quite and out of the way. He knew that he would fetch the lowest bounty and therefore was rather dispensable. The less attention he drew to himself the better.

"Ah!" Another bandit cried backing away from a livid Gwaine, "Bastard bit me!" He shouted to no one in particular. Merlin quickly updated the tally he had been keeping in his head. So far Gwaine had kicked 6 men, bit 8, and punched 3. Arthur had knocked out 4, kicked 1, and punched 7. Leon had kicked 9 and punched 14, Elyan had bit 4 and kicked 2, and Percival knocked out 10, kicked 15, and threw 3 like rag dolls across the camp.

"Come on, keep them under control!" Toothless barked at the men who had managed to get Elyan and Leon tied to trees but were still having no luck with the rest of the knights. One picked up a club and beat Percival over the head. He cried out in pain and stopped fighting long enough for the men to secure him to the tree. Distracted by the cry of distress, two men each had quickly taken down Arthur and Gwaine. The leader of the camp made his way to the incapacitated knights and began to speak.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" the leader, Baldy Merlin decided, smirked.

"The king of Camelot sir," One of the bandits said, clearly pleased with their newest capture.

"I see," Baldy said leaning down over Arthur. They had yet to realize Merlin was still fully capable of moving, something that could be used to their advantage.

"And to what do we owe this pleasure, _your highness_?" Baldy practically spat out the last few words making Merlin shudder. Baldy looked around at his laughing men, clearly pleased with the oh so creative insult. His smile faltered.

"Why is the boy not tied up?" He demanded. All of the knights physically paled as all eyes shifted to Merlin.

"Thought he didn't pose a threat," Toothless said as he stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"Still, we can use him as leverage. It looks like the knights and King are rather fond of the boy," Baldy continued, looking slightly annoyed. Merlin matched his tone. He wasn't a _boy._ Why did everyone insist that he was a_ boy_? He was of age and wasn't some adolescent with spots. Wait a second, Merlin had an idea that could actually keep him free and possibly save the knights.

"You there," Toothless shouted, pointing at a random bandit, "get the rope and tie the kid up," He jerked his head towards Merlin who had yet to move. Quickly, Merlin changed his demeanor. He bowed his head and slumped his shoulders submissively. He started making tears come to his eyes, not enough to start crying but enough to get them wet.

"Alright come here you runt," The bandit, Rotten Teeth was a good name for him, said as he came to a stop in front of Merlin. Merlin glanced up at him, the bandit faltered as he saw Merlin's eyes. Merlin had a knack for getting them impossibly big and innocent when he wanted. It was a trick he learned how to do back in Ealdor when he wanted something from his mother. He dropped his gaze back down to the ground and began picking at the hem of his tunic, making him seem even younger.

Gwaine struggled against the ropes, trying to get to Merlin. Arthur just stared at him, dumbstruck at what he was seeing. It was true that Merlin wasn't coordinated, wasn't physically strong like the other knights. Hell, he even managed to attract a unicorn and cry over dead things like a girl. But this, this wasn't normal Merlin. His emotional side was never this bad. Merlin wasn't a five year old or a weeping maiden but dammit he was sure acting like it. Arthur was about to tell him to get a grip and man up but Leon caught his eye. Apparently he wanted to leave emotionally compromised Merlin alone and dragged the boss's attention back to the knights by kicking him in the knee. The boss yelped and whipped back towards the knights, effectively taking his eyes off of Merlin. Arthur hoped both Merlin and Leon knew what they were doing.

"Now you listen hear," Rotten Teeth cleared his throat and continued, "I have to tie you up," Merlin inwardly smiled as he noted Rotten Teeth was trying to convince himself more that Merlin.

"Please don't," Merlin whimpered, his voice incredibly quite. Rotten Teeth sighed and turned around to the boss, who was still taunting Arthur and the knights, unaware the Merlin was conning the hell out of Rotten Teeth.

"Stay right here, don't move," Rotten Teeth said as he turned and started towards Toothless. Merlin let out a sigh of relief, hopefully Toothless was just as easy to convince as Rotten Teeth. All he had to do was look as innocent and nonthreatening as possible and the bandits would be like putty in his hands.

"I don't care how cute he is the boss man said to tie him up," Toothless hissed at Rotten Teeth. Rotten Teeth was clearly exasperated by the situation which was good. Even if Merlin was tied up he could probably convince Rotten Teeth to release him after all of the bandits had gone to bed.

"Seriously!" Toothless shouted, causing Merlin to jump. "You can't tell me that some little brat looked at you with big googly eyes and caused you to wimp out!"

"You try saying no to him!" Rotten Teeth hissed, looking at Toothless.

"He is just a kid, you are a hardened criminal! You shouldn't be put off by some puppy dog expression," Toothless was becoming frustrated at Rotten Teeth's resistance.

"For God's sake just go over there and tie the bastard up. It isn't difficult, it isn't time consuming. Just get it done," Toothless was nearly shaking with anger by the end of his rant.

"You'll have to do it then because I can't," Rotten Teeth shoved the rope into Toothless' hands and walked away to go sit by the fire.

"All right you little runt," Toothless said as he began to make his way towards Merlin, "I don't care what that useless man says there is no way you can convince me to keep you loose," Toothless stopped in front of Merlin.

"Hold out your hands," Merlin looked up at him, widening his eyes even further and making tears fall down his cheeks.

"Please don't," Merlin was proud to make his voice quiver so effectively. Toothless' hard expression softened.

"I have to kid," he stated, wide-eyed at the boy in front of him. Toothless cursed under his breath. He was apparently in quite a dilemma. On one hand, Merlin was sitting there looking impossibly cute and innocent. There was no way this kid was a threat. On the other hand the kid should not be affecting him like this. He was a hardened criminal, the kind of man people fear. He was not some softy who was about to go easy on a boy because of some tears.

Merlin sensed that Toothless was starting to harden his heart again and decided to pull out all of the stops. There was no way Merlin would leave this with his pride in tact. "It'll hurt," Merlin whispered dropping his eyes back to the ground and picking at his hem again.

"Not if you don't struggle. I won't tie it that tight, you'll be fine," Toothless' voice softened considerably. As he reached out and awkwardly clapped a hand onto Merlin's shoulder.

"I won't runaway, I promise," Merlin stated again, trying to put a pleading note into the statement. Toothless groaned and looked around. After that little display there was no way he could tie up the boy. Even if he did it gently he would still have to face the hurt look in the kid's eyes as he bound the rope. But he couldn't just leave the boy here with any explanation. Toothless removed his hand from Merlin's shoulder and ran it through his hair, clearly in a dilemma.

"I'll go see what I can do kid," Merlin flashed Toothless a watery smile and looked back down at his hands while toeing the dirt. Toothless jogged off back to Baldy who was entertaining himself by playing with Gwaine's hair. Toothless whispered something into Baldy's ear causing him to stop and his smile to falter. He looked at Merlin, as did Gwaine and Arthur. Baldy got up and made his way to Merlin. Merlin groaned. He didn't think he would be able to keep this up much longer. True he had convinced what appeared to be the right-hand man. But the leader was probably much tougher and wouldn't be softened by quivering lips and big eyes full of innocence. Still, Merlin put back on his mask and began to shift from foot to foot.

"Well, you certainly don't seem like trouble," Baldy stated as he hooked a finger under Merlin's chin which forced him to look at Baldy. Merlin wasn't thrilled at the contact.

"If I don't tie you up, are you going to behave yourself like a good little prisoner?" Merlin felt a pang of annoyance at the way the man was talking to him. Then again he did work really hard to create this look, apparently it paid off.

"Well are you?" Baldy stated again. Merlin nodded his head, which was probably more innocent than actually saying the word 'yes'.

"Alright then. If he does something to screw up our catch, it will be on your head," Baldy stated as he turned to Toothless.

"Look at him boss, he wouldn't hurt a fly," Toothless called as Baldy began listing which men were to take which watch. Toothless turned back to Merlin and ruffled his hair before marching through the camp to make preparations for the evening. Merlin looked at the awestruck knights and smiled at them before settling down against a tree. Baldy took one last look at Merlin, who yawned and curled up into a ball.

After a few hours Merlin woke up to discover someone had put a blanket on him. He chuckled as he stood up quietly and looked around. The knights all appeared to be asleep as did most of the bandits. There was only one other man up, Rotten Teeth. Merlin said some words in the old religion and Rotten Teeth quickly slumped over, fast asleep. Merlin crept towards the fire and picked up a dagger before making his way to the knights. He decided to start with Leon first since he was the one least likely to kill Merlin upon being awakened. Once the bonds were cut away Merlin covered Leon's mouth to prevent him from crying out and shook him gently. Leon jumped awake and turned to face Merlin who simply put his fingers to his lips. He handed Leon another dagger and they set to work cutting free the rest of the knights. Once everyone had been released they quickly made their way into the forest and back to Camelot.

"Why didn't you tell us you could do that Merlin?" Gwaine hissed as they ran through the trees.

"I really don't like acting that way. It's exhausting!" Merlin exclaimed quietly as he tripped over a tree root, Elyan catching his arm before he hit the ground.

"Well you are really good at it. You looked ten years younger," Percival said as he clapped Merlin on the shoulder.

"Not the mention the fact that he looked like a kicked puppy," Gwaine snickered.

"It wasn't that great, the bandits were just dense," Arthur said. Merlin could practically hear him roll his eyes as they continued out of the forest and in through the front gates of Camelot.

"At one point you bought the act just as much as the bandits," Elyan said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"What matters is that we are out of their hands and no one got hurt," Leon said quickly to avoid Arthur's pride stinging any more. Gwaine snorted, while Arthur huffed indignantly.

"Well at least now we know how useful Merlin can actually be," Percival chuckled as they entered the castle. Merlin was slowly getting redder throughout the entire conversation, not wanting the incident to ever be brought up again. He already had enough trouble with the castle maids and their incessant need to mother him. If word got out about this, the mother henning would multiply by a tenfold. Merlin shuddered to think about what would happen if the smothering affections got any worse. Oh the horror.

**That was the first installment of this little series. Hopefully the ideas will keep coming though I wouldn't mind suggestions. I would like to extend a huge thank you to Cottontail, who is a wonderful editor and worships my every step. Just joking about the worshiping part, she probably hates me for making her read all of my incredibly bad grammar. Thanks for reading and hope to see you all soon.**


	2. The Dress

**This one was pretty fun to write. Although I just kept adding to the plot making it longer and longer. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or the characters.**

"Son of a bitch!" Gwaine shouted as he punched the wall of the dungeon.

"Gwaine, calm down," Leon said, stepping forward to try and placate the very angry knight.

"I will not calm down those bastards tricked us!" Gwaine cried as he raised his fist to slam the wall again. This time Percival grabbed Gwaine's arm and held him down so he wouldn't break his hand.

"Gwaine, please try and calm down," Merlin pleaded "We need everyone to have clear heads so that we can get out of this mess," Merlin smiled as Gwaine sighed and sank down onto the ground.

"I suppose your right as usual Merlin," he said in a monotone voice, waving his hand at Merlin.

"Ah look what you've done to your hand," Merlin whined as he sat down next to Gwaine, looking at the bleeding knuckles.

"Your lucky it isn't broken," Merlin said as he began to wipe off some of the blood with his neckerchief.

"I want to know why they're holding us," Arthur said as he rattled the bars of the dungeon, obviously hoping to pull them off.

Arthur had taken the Knights of the Round Table and Merlin to a peace treaty signing in another kingdom. The kingdom, known as Divinus, was small but would be a wonderful trading partner. Being almost completely surrounded by the sea their access to other commodities that would have been otherwise foreign to Camelot was too good to pass up. Arthur extended an invitation and several meetings later he had not only gained their trust, but had become fairly good friends with the king. In a gesture of good faith Arthur agreed to sign the treaty at Divinus' stronghold by the sea.

There had been a wonderful feast to celebrate the two kingdoms joining together in peace so that both could prosper. Merlin was attending to Arthur when he first saw that something was wrong. Arthur only drank half a glass of mead when he started to get really tipsy. It usually took at least three to get him slightly drunk, and even then it was rarely this bad. Merlin went to talk to the other knights but found them in much the same predicament. Gwaine had also only drank about half a glass and Merlin knew from experience that Gwaine could down half a tavern before getting drunk. Even Leon, who was usually very reserved at these events was nearly falling out of his chair. Merlin was about to go ask a servant what kind of mead was he giving the king, as it may have been stronger than what they had in Camelot, but was instead roughly grabbed and slammed against the wall, unconsciousness finding him quickly.

When he had awoken, Arthur was less than happy. No one was on their game, due to the obvious drugs that had been put in the drink, and Merlin had a throbbing headache. Gwaine had lost it when it was discovered Merlin's hair to be matted with blood, which was the reason he punched the wall in the first place.

But what worried Merlin the most wasn't the fact that they were now trapped in a dungeon of an obvious hostile nation. It wasn't the fact that Camelot didn't expect them back for two days. It wasn't even the fact that Merlin had a concussion and was having a hard time focusing on anything. The thing that was worrying Merlin was the fact that Elyan wasn't in the dungeon with them. Come to think of it, Merlin didn't think that Elyan even attended the feast. He hoped that meant that Elyan was free and working on a way of getting them out.

"Hey, hey you!" Arthur called at the guard.

"What do you want?" The guard responded, looking rather uninterested in the prisoners.

"I demand to speak with your king," Arthur said in his _I'm the king of Camelot now do as I say_ voice.

"Do you now," the guard seemed slightly amused at the thought.

"I wish to know why we are being held captive," Arthur crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at the guard.

"It's quite simple. You are worth a lot of money. As soon as Camelot pays the bounty we'll release you and your little pets," the guard explained, glancing at Merlin as he said the word 'pets'. Merlin glared right back, secretly thinking of all the ways he could make the guard suffer. Being turned into a toad sounded like the perfect punishment. Merlin smiled as he thought of the guard hoping around on the floor, trying to comprehend why he had a sudden taste for bugs.

"Something funny boy," the guard snarled. Percival stepped in front of Merlin and Gwaine while Merlin tried to lose the smile.

"You will ensure that no harm will come to my men," Arthur demanded as he tried to steer the conversation back to where he wanted.

"Looks like that one already has a nice size gash. I didn't have to be so rough but it was fun," the guard sneered.

"Why you," Gwaine snarled as he moved to get up but Merlin and Leon held him back. It was bad enough the drugs were still in their systems causing them to be slow and clumsy, they really didn't need Gwaine to sustain a head injury for picking a fight with a man twice his size.

Arthur decided that the interview was over, mostly because he wanted to punch that sick smile off the man's face. He sat down next to Leon who still had a hand on Gwaine, just in case feral rage took over and he charged at the man. Although Arthur sure wasn't going to stop him. If anything he was going to help him. The guard sat back down at his post sharpening his sword throwing menacing glances at his prisoners every once in a while. Merlin decided now was the time to voice his concerns about Elyan.

"Does anyone know what happened to Elyan?" He whispered. Everyone turned to look at him.

"No," was all Arthur managed to get out. Merlin could tell he was worried. It was one thing to have all of his men in a cell. At least he knew the state they were in and could protect them somewhat. But not knowing where Elyan was, perhaps, was even worse than having them all down in the dungeon. He could be dead, injured, heading back to Camelot for help. Arthur hated not knowing.

They sat there for a few moments in silence, contemplating the fate of their missing friend as well as their own, when suddenly footsteps were heard coming down the hall. The guard stood up, sword at the ready when his eyes widened and he dropped down onto one knee. Everyone leaned forward, expecting to see the king but were "pleasantly" surprised to see a woman. She had on a long flowing purple dress with gold leaves stitched into the hems. On the front of her skirts held a large silver Celtic knot. Her face was wrapped tightly in a silver and gold scarf that revealed only her eyes.

"My lady, what do I owe the pleasure?" the guard asked, his eyes lowered to the ground. Merlin wondered who the woman was. Divinus didn't have a queen as far as Merlin knew, nor did it have a princess. The lady merely pointed to the prisoners.

"Oh, you are one of silence. I am terribly sorry for my ignorance. Please forgive me," The guard lowered his head, the lady placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Um, who is this?" Arthur asked, he had since stood up and was now at the door of the cell, taking in the strange scene.

"This is a high priestess of the Pure Heart Coven," The guard sputtered, clearly annoyed that they didn't know that.

"Is the young lady free?" Gwaine said, smoothing his hair back and getting to his feet.

"Seriously Gwaine, now?" Leon asked while Percival just rolled his eyes.

"You have to seize an opportunity when it presents itself," Gwaine said with a wave of his hand.

"I don't think the opportunity is presenting itself," Merlin said looking at the lady who had since furrowed her brow, in anger or frustration. It was hard to tell which.

"Enough!" the guard was clearly put off by the blatant disrespect to the obviously well known Pure Heart Coven. "These women have taken a vow of purity and pacifism in order to devote a life to the gods," The guard spat out the last few words.

"Why is her face covered?" Percival asked.

"Because only her fellow sisters and immediate family can see her!" The guard was flushed and had yet to stand up.

"So I can't sleep with her?" Gwaine asked.

"Are you still on that?" Leon muttered. The guard just opened and closed his mouth several times, looking much like a fish.

"These women have vowed to live a life of nonviolence and-" whatever else the women of the Pure Heart Coven vowed to live by was never explained as the guard quickly found himself with a sword sticking out of his chest.

"So much for nonviolence," Percival said as he looked towards the lady who was pulling the sword out of the guard's chest and moving quickly to get the keys. After opening the door and motioning for them to follow, the lady quickly led them up the stairs of the dungeon and through the castle.

"Why are you helping us?" Arthur asked.

"Sire, I believe she has taken a vow of silence and can't answer us," Leon said as they turned a corner.

"She also took a vow of nonviolence and look what happened," Gwaine said grinning cheekily.

"Gwaine now is really not the time," Arthur growled, guessing the cause of Gwaine's good mood, as they made their way out into the night. They were greeting by several other women wearing much of the same clothing. One of them stepped forward.

"We are glad to have finally repaid our debt. Take this on your journey," she thrust a bag into the lady's hand, "We will keep your escape unknown for as long as possible but you must hurry," she finished as she stepped back to join the other members of the coven.

"Wait, what debt?" Arthur asked, clearly wanting to know why these women had risked their lives to help him.

"It will be revealed in time good king. But you must leave now,"

"What about her?" Leon looked over at the lady who had helped them escape. Some of the others giggled.

"In time sir knight," Merlin couldn't see the woman's face but he couldn't shake the feeling that she was smiling under her scarf.

"Do you know anything of my other knight?" Arthur asked again

"He is quite safe and you will meet with him soon. Now go," At this Arthur turned and followed their rescuer out of the stronghold and into the forest. It was clear that the lady was not used to running, at least not in a forest because she continually tripped over tree routes and what appeared to be air. After an hour or so everyone stopped to catch their breath.

"Where is Elyan?" Percival asked as soon as he was able. The lady shifted nervously from one foot to another.

"Look, we are grateful you helped us escape but I do want to know where my knight is," Arthur said in a calm but authoritative voice. The lady went over to a tree and began to bang her head against it.

"Is this some sort of ritual?" Gwaine asked Merlin in a hushed tone.

"How should I know?" Finally the lady stopped banging her head against a tree and walked over to the group. She began to unwrap her scarf when Leon put up a hand to stop her.

"We do not wish to mistreat your beliefs," He said, worried that he might have offended the lady or have forced her into something against her will.

"Your not mistreating my beliefs I just can't breathe with this thing on,"

"Elyan?" Everyone gasped as the scarf was peeled away to reveal a rather sweaty Elyan. Percival finally broke the silence.

"Why are you wearing a dress?" he asked hesitantly.

"I didn't have much of a choice okay," Elyan said as he wiped his brow. "Before I became a knight I was working as a blacksmith in Divinus. One night some women from the Pure Heart Coven were attacked and I helped get rid of the attacker," Elyan sat down on a tree stump and continued.

"Sandra, the woman you met, said that they would one day repay me. They overheard the king's plot to capture you all and pulled me from the banquet before I could get drugged. Since the Pure Heart Coven doesn't show their faces it was the perfect disguise," Elyan finished his story and looked around at the others.

"Well that was very brave of you mate," Gwaine said, now incredibly bright red.

"You tried to flirt with me,"

"I thought you were a woman," Gwaine replied sheepishly.

" You wanted to sleep with me," Elyan crossed his arms and glared at Gwaine.

"I was mistaken," Gwaine said while clearing his throat.

"Yeah well Sandra said she would give me a change of clothes so that I wouldn't have to walk back to Camelot in a dress," Elyan said as he stood up and grabbed the bag Sandra had given to him.

"We'll give you some privacy then," Arthur said as he turned around and walked to where Elyan was hidden by the trees. After a few minutes they heard Elyan coming back through the forest. They all turned and stared.

"Why didn't you change?" Merlin asked. Elyan was still in his purple dress,

"Because they only stocked the bag with food!" Elyan cried in exasperation.

"Don't worry, you still have the scarf. You can wrap it around your head when we get to Camelot so that no one will recognize you," Leon said soothingly as everyone came to terms with the fact that Elyan would have to walk back to Camelot in a dress.

"It's your fault!" Elyan shouted, pointing at Merlin.

"My fault? Why it is my fault?" Merlin said, very confused.

"Because some of the ladies saw you when you were coming in to the stronghold and they couldn't stop talking about how adorable you were," Merlin turned bright red. Every time. This happened every time.

"That doesn't explain why they packed us extra food," Merlin murmured.

"Because you just show up to a place looking adorable and every woman wants to take care of you,"

"At least we have food," Gwaine said, trying to calm Elyan down.

"I am wearing a dress!"

"You're point being?"

"I am a man!"

"Yes and it shows off your curves very well," Gwaine snickered.

"It actually goes very well with your skin tone," Percival added thoughtfully.

"Perhaps it would be wise to leave the comments to a minimum," Leon said, sensing there was about to be a fight and Elyan wouldn't hold up very well wearing such a flowing gown.

"Let's get going," Percival said, trying to be cheerful.

"This better not get out," Elyan growled. Merlin didn't really want to know what would happen if it did.

CRASH! Elyan tripped for the 5690 time since continuing to walk to Camelot.

"Can you stop with the tripping!" Arthur yelled as Elyan landed on his front. "You aren't Merlin for crying out loud,"

"I heard that,"

"You were meant to,"

"You know it isn't exactly easy trying to maneuver in this thing," Elyan said as he hiked his skirts up and began walking again.

"It is quite difficult sire. Perhaps we should go slower," Leon said, sending Elyan a pleading look.

"And what would you know about wearing dresses?" Gwaine teased.

"I've worn one before," the party stopped and turned to look at Leon.

"Kinky," Gwaine said with wide eyes.

"What no, not like that," Leon sputtered.

"Of course not," Arthur said as he turned and picked up the pace towards Camelot.

"Look mate, I won't judge you for what you're into. Once knew a girl who liked-"

"We don't need to know that!" Merlin cried as he began to turn tomato red again.

"It was when Morgana took over the castle!" Leon cried, but no one was really listening to him. But this was mostly because at that moment about 20 bandits had graced the small group with their presence.

"Why do the gods hate me?" Elyan groaned as he tried to fight the bandits while still keeping his dress off the ground.

"It's not that bad," Arthur growled as he sliced his way through another opponent.

"Well how about I stick you in some frilly skirts and make you fight three men at once," Elyan snapped at Gwaine came to his aid.

"Fear not fair lady, for I, Sir Gwaine, will save you," Gwaine posed heroically before charging into battle.

"Can we try and stay focused?" Leon demanded as he continued to kill bandit after bandit, all the while branches were "coincidentally" falling on their heads. After what seemed like eternity the bandits decided they were better off finding another target and began to retreat.

"That is going to sting their pride quite a bit," Merlin said as he emerged from behind a tree.

"Why's that?" asked Percival as he cleaned the blood off his sword.

"Some of them were killed by a man wearing a dress," Merlin stated looking over at Elyan.

"Let's just get back to Camelot so I can get out of this damn thing," Elyan groaned as he turned and immediately tripped over the hem.

"Merlin's right though, you fought quite well," Gwaine said as he helped Elyan stand back up.

"I hate you all," was the only reply they got.

After about another hour the small group finally got back to Camelot, with Elyan covering his face with the scarf so that no one could tell it was the knight who wore the dress. The group made their way to the council chambers and Arthur gave the whole story to the members and Gwen. When it got to the part about how Elyan was the one who wore the dress she was laughing very hard.

"Not so easy to wear these things, is it?" She asked her brother as Elyan tried to shrink away from the council members and their disapproving looks.

"I want you all to come immediately to my chambers," Giaus said once the story was complete, "I need to make sure the drug will have no lasting affect,"

"Can I go change first?" Elyan whined.

"Sorry but this has to be done immediately and I might need your help," Giaus said.

"Will I ever be rid of this thing?" Elyan growled as he tied the scarf around his face and made his way out of the council room, tripping every once in awhile.

"You look to good to be taken out of it," Gwaine chuckled as Leon managed to grab Elyan after tripping over the stairs. Elyan prayed that this incident would never be brought up again. But alas, the fates are cruel and he knew he would probably not be so lucky.

**The chance to stick one of the knights in a dress was just too good to pass up. Ah well, poor Elyan. Nice bit of Merlin whump and humor for you guys. See you next week, or whenever I get inspiration.**


	3. Mercian Spice Mead

**Yay! I finished another installment with plenty of humor and banter. I want to thank everyone who has reviewed so far. Sorry I haven't responded to the second chapter reviews, I'll try to keep responding. I can't make any promises though. I do read all of the reviews and enjoy them greatly so keep up the awesomeness.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. (Does anyone on this site?)**

"You guys should have listened to me," Merlin spat as him and the Knights of the Round Table sat quietly in a small dungeon.

"How was I supposed to know that there is no such thing as a scorpiolincus?" Arthur shot back at Merlin.

"Oh I don't know. Maybe because I said there wasn't any such thing," Arthur just rolled his eyes.

"Or how about the fact that there were no mentions of it in over 400 different books!" Merlin was really angry now and continued to rant.

"Or how about the fact that Geoffrey, who is as old as the bloody planet itself, has never seen or heard of the thing!" Merlin finished. Arthur glared at him.

A few days ago a peasant from one of the outlying villages came bursting into the throne room raving about some creature killing his village. He put on a spectacular show and had no problems in making Arthur believe that a 'scorpiolincus' was actually terrorizing his town. After the meeting Merlin and Giaus quickly searched through text after text in order to learn more about the creature but came up with nothing. Giaus then called on the librarian, Geoffrey, to try and see if he knew anything about the creature. He didn't.

Sensing something was wrong, Merlin begged Arthur not to go and instead let his knights handle the job. He tried to tell Arthur that there was no mention of the creature in any texts but Arthur refused. He insisted that 'it was his job as king to ensure the safety of his people' and that Merlin should 'stop being such a girl'. In the end, Merlin prepared for the trap. Sadly, there was very little his magic could do against the poisoned stew one of the villagers gave him and the knights.

They woke up not long ago in the cell just over the border in Mercia. Arthur was going to be killed or _something_, at this point, Merlin didn't really care, as were the rest of his men. Merlin tried to get Arthur to admit his mistake. But lets face it, that wasn't going to happen any time real soon.

""You should have listened to me," Merlin said again, this time it was directed at everyone.

"We aren't discussing who's to blame at the moment, Merlin," Arthur said "in case you haven't noticed, we currently have bigger problems."

"But if we were to discuss blame, I think we would all agree that it is your fault for not listening to me," Merlin muttered under his breath. ".…idiot," he added.

"What was that, Merlin?" Arthur made a move to get up.

"Sire," Leon whispered, putting a hand on Arthur's arm, "someone's coming," Merlin knew he shouldn't be that upset with Arthur. Some creatures were unknown to man. Merlin did admire Arthur for caring more about his people's safety than his own. But for crying out loud, there were better ways to go about investigating viscous attacks. Less idiotic and saner ways.

The people who Leon heard turned the corner. They were two fairly big men who were dressed in an assortment of animal furs and leather. Both had large swords strapped to their hips, as well as knives and other weapons decorating their bodies. Their eyes were cold and merciless and both looked as though they could rip a body apart. They stopped in front of the cell and sneered.

"Well King Arthur," one said, "did you like our little story?"

"Told you he would come," the other one snickered as he took in the state of his prisoners.

"Now while we're your hosts, there's going to be some rules you have to abide by."

"If this is what you think makes a good host then you are sorely mistaken," Elyan chuckled. The men's faces turned from humor to fury in a matter of seconds.

"The first rule is that you will only speak when spoken too," one spat, "You will follow all of our commands to the letter. You will not cause any trouble. _And you will not make us angry_," He continued, leaning against the bars of the cell and barring his yellow teeth.

"And what if we don't follow your rules?" Arthur asked calmly. The two men looked at each other and smiled.

"We'll use our imagination on the skinny one," one said as he jerked a knife in Merlin's direction. Merlin blanched as the two men laughed. Everyone clenched their jaws but made no action against the men. When satisfied that they had their cooperation, the men went to a small table and sat down. Nobody spoke for a long time. It appeared that the men were going to stay with their prisoners until whoever ordered the capture came and claimed them. Merlin began racking his brains for a solution out of the mess. Most of it involved magic. But by God, if that was what needed to happen then that was what Merlin was going to do. Merlin was about to say a spell when Gwaine spoke.

"Say, what kind of mead is that?" He asked looking at the men. Everyone shot their heads up and stared.

"Gwaine. Now is really not the time!" Percival hissed as the men looked up at him.

"Trust me on this," Gwaine whispered back.

"One from the western sea," the guard answered raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Oh really? I've never had any from there. Is it any good?" Gwaine said with a gleam in his eye. Leon began sliding his hand frantically across his throat in a cutthroat gesture. It was subtle but it sent a clear message to Gwaine '_cut it out_'.

"Here," the man said, handing a glass to Gwaine, "try some."

Gwaine smiled and took the glass before sipping it. He coughed violently before laughing.

"My God that's good," he said before taking another drink.

"All the kick of a good Northern drink with the taste of an Eastern honey mead," the man laughed. Gwaine downed the rest of the glass.

"Don't give him that crap," his partner said, standing up and coming over to the cell.

"Here is the good stuff. Mercian spiced mead. It's got plenty of different spices in it to give it a kick," Gwaine took the glass and sniffed it before sipping the drink.

"Tastes kind of like the stuff they make in the White Mountains," he added thoughtfully.

"Nice after taste. Better than that other one," the guard said, looking quite proud.

"Its not the after taste you need to be concerned with. It's how smooth the drink is," the first man said with a glare.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen," Gwaine said calmly, "you both bring up such valid points. However on first taste alone I have to go with the western sea," Gwaine finished, flashing his signature smile.

"Is he trying to sleep with them or drink with them?" Merlin whispered to Arthur as their captors each poured Gwaine another glass.

"Who knows?" Arthur mumbled, shaking his head in frustration.

"This time, sip it slowly," one man said as he shoved a glass at Gwaine. "Really savor the flavor." Gwaine swirled the liquid in the glass before taking a sip.

"Strong taste at first, smooth," he muttered to himself as he took another sip, "The initial taste fades a bit to fast for enjoyment," he concluded. The guard looked slightly disappointed.

"Now here's mine," the other one yanked the glass out of Gwaine's hand and replaced it with his own mead. Gwaine repeated the process.

"Lighter taste in the beginning, more subtle," Gwaine sat there smacking his lips for a few seconds before continuing. "It's too hard to tell which one's better," the guards looked startled. "I mean, no offense fellas, but neither of these are really my kind of drink." Gwaine flashed another charming style.

"They're both great but I like something that burns your throat as it goes down and leaves with the taste for weeks afterwards," Gwaine finished looking at the two men. Instead of looking upset though, they both looked kind of happy. Almost as if they enjoyed the same kind of drinks.

"I've got the perfect thing for you," one guard said as he ran out of the dungeon. A few moments later, he came back with several bottles of what was probably alcohol.

"This stuff is harder than two before so we were wary of drinking it on duty," one explained as he opened a bottle. "But let me tell you, this is some of the finest mead Mercia has to offer," he finished as he poured three glasses, handing one to Gwaine and one to his partner. Gwaine took the glass and sipped it. He appeared to be lost in thought for a few seconds before his features lit up like a child at Yule.

"Now that is good stuff," he said with a smile. The men looked proud of their accomplishment and downed their glasses before pouring more. Gwaine turned around and winked at the other knights before holding his glass through the bars so that he could get some more alcohol. The guards were all too happy to oblige. Glass after glass the mead continued to flow for the three men, each getting more and more intoxicated as they continued to down the mead.

"Hey," Gwaine slurred as some mead sloshed over the rim of his glass, "how about you fellas let me out so that I can drink at the table," The men looked at each other and shrugged. Surprisingly they walked to the door and swung it open for Gwaine to stumble out. Arthur was about to get up and charge the men but the door swung shut and was locked quickly. The captors were apparently not drunk enough yet to be completely stupid.

"Oh, sorry princess," Gwaine said as he sat down at the table, but not before falling out of the chair, "looks like yooouuu can't join the party," he laughed loudly as the second man poured more mead into each of their glasses.

"What the hell is he doing?" Arthur hissed as he looked at the scene before him.

"Enjoying his last few hours of life," Merlin guessed as Gwaine swung his arm around both men and pulled them in for a hug.

"You know," Gwaine said, "you guys are awesome. I mean, I really enjoy having spent this time to get to know you," he said picking up his cup and draining it.

"I love you man," one of the guards wailed as he threw his arms around Gwaine's neck and burrowed his head into his shoulder. The other guard just sat in the corner sobbing.

"I mean," he wailed, "she just left me all alone!" He looked up at his two companions. "What kind of mother does that?" Gwaine and the other man weren't really listening.

"If one of us," the guard stated as he let go of Gwaine and attempted to sit back, "if one of us was a women," he fell back over onto the table, "I'd marry you, because that's how much I love you," he continued as Gwaine smiled and attempted to pour himself another drink, only to miss the glass completely and pour it all over his wrist.

"Well shit," he slurred as he attempted to pour the alcohol again.

"She always loved my brother more than me," the man cried again, sobbing in the corner. "Maybe that's why she hates me?" The guard picked up a bottle and looked at it thoughtfully. "You two will probably hate me soon. Everyone does," He continued to bawl as he brought the bottle to his lips and began to drink.

"Hey, quit hogging it all," Gwaine said, giving up on pouring his drink, as he tried to take the bottle away.

"We should run away together!" the happier one said, sitting up suddenly. "It'll be just you and me on a farm. Oh we could be so happy together!" He threw his arms back around Gwaine's neck and began to list off all of the reasons he was happy.

"You lot are fantastic companions," Gwaine said as one guard clung to him whispering words of love and affection while the other one sat in the corner sobbing.

"Let us continue to drink!" Gwaine shouted happily. At this all three men lifted up their glasses and drank every last drop of liquid in it. The two guards each picked up a bottle and began to guzzle down the mead. The happy drunk fell forward onto the table, completely unconscious.

"He hates me now!" the sad drunk sobbed as he finished his bottle and also fell onto the table, completely unconscious.

"Hey guys, hows abouts we," Gwaine placed a hand on the happy drunk and shook him slightly. "Oh," Gwaine frowned for a second before perking up. "I guess they're unconscious now," Gwaine said loudly.

"Well. That worked wonderfully," He stated smugly as he tried to stand up, only to fall over.

"Great," Elyan murmured, massaging his brow, "we were saved by someone who can't even walk in a straight line."

"Or touch his finger to his nose," Merlin added. Arthur shook his head again.

"Gwaine, just get the keys and get over here," Arthur said desperately as he stuck his hand through the bars.

"You know," Gwaine stated as he began digging through one of the men's pockets, "you are really annoying, mate." Gwaine began muttering to himself as he continued to dig.

"It's, uh, it's the other man, Gwaine" Merlin said, pointing to the one that had fallen to the ground.

"Thank you, Merlin," Gwaine stood back up and staggered over to the other guard. "You are really smart, love. Don't let anyone tell you any different, " Gwaine cried out triumphantly as he found the keys and stumbled to the cell door. He dropped the keys into Arthur's hand, who immediately opened the door.

"Let's go," he commanded as he began to make his way to the exit.

Gwaine stopped. "Wait a second. I don't feel so good," Gwaine murmured as he ran to the corner and began to throw up.

"I am really drunk," he giggled as he sat back up.

"Sire, we can't expect him to walk in the state he's in," Leon said, wincing as Gwaine threw up again and then fell backwards.

"I've got him," Percival sighed as he walked over to Gwaine and lifted the man so that he was resting on Percival's back.

"Wee," Gwaine giggled as Percival lifted him up.

"Ugh, you need to rinse your mouth out," Percival wrinkled his nose and followed Arthur out the door.

"Hey Percival. Percy. Perce," Gwaine said as he began to run a finger down Percival's chest. "you are a really great friend, and I'm not saying that because I'm drunk,"

"I'm sure your not," Percival muttered. Gwaine continued to throw out compliments.

"How long do you think he'll be like this?" Elyan whispered to Merlin as they continued to walk through the forest.

"I don't know, but we should find some place to stop for the night so that he can rest and get the alcohol out of his system." Merlin hoped Arthur would listen to him for once and stop soon because Merlin did not want to deal with a drunk Gwaine all night.

"Agreed, we need to find a place fore him to rest" Leon sighed as Gwaine began to sing a riveting rendition of the "Knights of Pelondras".

"If he doesn't stop, I will knock him out," Arthur growled as Gwaine got to the part about how the knights had to fight an army of, what Merlin heard as, giant gerbils.

"I'll help you," Leon said in a low voice as Gwaine continued to screech.

"I thought the knights fought a sea beast," Elyan said. Arthur just shook his head and continue to plan all of the ways he could get Gwaine to shut up, most of them violent.

Gwaine woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache. He groaned and rolled over only to find whatever he was laying on had stopped. Gwaine cried out in alarm as he fell onto the floor, one of his legs still caught up in the sheets.

"Are you alright?" Merlin came running in the room and helped Gwaine to sit up.

"What happened last night?" Gwaine asked as he rubbed the back of his head. He looked at Merlin who was shifting uncomfortably and had started to blush.

"Well…" Gwaine prompted.

"How much do you remember?" Merlin asked looking at Gwaine.

"I was getting the keys so that we could escape… and then nothing really," Gwaine ran his hand through his hair.

"Well, Percival carried you on his back and you started singing. You weren't very good," Gwaine chuckled and Merlin continued. "You kind of went a little crazy last night," Merlin finished, chewing on his lip.

"Oh God, did I hurt anyone?" Gwaine began checking Merlin over for injuries.

"No, no, but, well it was embarrassing," Merlin smiled.

"Embarrassing how?" Gwaine just wanted to know how much damage he had caused.

"Well it started when you began telling Percival how much you cherished him," Gwaine groaned. "And how he was like a Greek Adonis, sculpted perfectly," Gwaine buried his head in the sheets. "And then you stated that his strength was parallel to none and that he should be placed on a pedestal and worshiped for eternity."

"What else happened," Gwaine asked, his head still buried in the sheets.

"Well you began to pet Arthur's hair and said, 'it is finer than the coat of a unicorn's arse'." At this Merlin burst out laughing as Gwaine whipped his head up.

"I didn't," he said wide-eyed.

"Oh yes you did. Apparently you really like Arthur's hair," Merlin said as he finally stopped laughing.

"Did it get any worse?"

"Leon went to pull you away from Arthur, who was getting ready to bludgeon you," Gwaine groaned. "And then you pulled Leon down into your lap and began to braid his hair."

"He's going to kill me."

"Don't worry, I took away everyone's swords."

"Did anything happen to Elyan?"

"Um, well you kept saying how much you loved him and kissed his cheek," Gwaine began beating his head into the side of the bed.

"You went into great detail about how much you loved Elyan. Some of it was more romantic than the poetry I write for Gwen," Merlin smiled again.

"What happened between us?" Gwaine said. He really just wanted to figure out what he had done and move on.

"We found this house and the woman was more than willing to let us stay here. We told her you were injured," Merlin added upon seeing the confused look Gwaine was giving him. "I put you to bed when suddenly you grabbed me and hugged me to your chest,"

"God."

"Yeah, you kept saying there was an enemy in the room and you had to protect me. Apparently I am too precious for the world to lose."

"I am so sorry," Gwaine looked at Merlin.

"Don't worry, Arthur hit you on the head with a plate and knocked you out. Though not before you kicked Leon in the stomach for trying to 'kidnap me.'" Merlin finished, trying not to laugh.

"Look whose finally awake," came Arthur's voice from the door.

"Look, sire—"

"No need to explain Sir Gwaine. As I understand it, you have a very unhealthy attachment to my hair and manservant. What was it again, like the coat of a unicorn's arse?" Arthur mocked, pretending to stroke his chin thoughtfully.

"I was so drunk," Gwaine groaned and buried his face into the blankets again.

"That's one word for it," Leon said as he and the other knights joined Arthur at the door.

"Where'd you learn to braid like that anyways?" Leon asked. Gwaine just continued to shake his head back and forth.

"We should leave soon," Percival said with a smile.

"Whatever you guys say," Gwaine said as he lifted his head.

"We should thank you though," Elyan said. "You did get us out of that mess." Everyone nodded in agreement as they turned to leave. Merlin helped get Gwaine back on his feet before handing him a vial.

"Something for the headache," He said. Gwaine smiled and downed the potion in one go. He grimaced. How could something taste this bad? Like death and the tears of small children.

"Thanks mate," He said as he began to make his way down the stairs. They got to the bottom where the woman of the house was waiting for them.

"If you ever want to come back you can," she said, eyeing Gwaine with a look the knight knew all to well. Arthur ensured her that if they were ever in need of her services they would not hesitate to ask. The woman, however, was still staring intently at Gwaine. Gwaine smiled sheepishly before waving at her and turning to leave the house.

"What did I do to her?" He whispered to Merlin as they walked up the road.

"Told her she was the most beautiful creature in the entire world and that the sun couldn't outshine her radiance," Merlin said with a shrug.

"You then proceeded, in what I assume was an attempt, to eat her face off," Percival snickered.

"Oh dear," Gwaine whimpered.

"Yes, you really wanted to share a bed with her," Arthur laughed.

"Oh no," Gwaine whined, pinching the bridge of his nose. Everyone laughed at Gwaine's misfortunes as they continued back to Camelot to give their report.

"Could you maybe leave some of this out?" Gwaine asked as he jogged up to Arthur.

"Oh no, we are going to recount everything to the council," Arthur smiled wickedly.

"Even the part about your hair?" Gwaine snapped. Arthur's color drained.

"Right men, let's come up with a story," He said in an awfully high-pitched voice as Camelot could be seen over the hills. Perhaps there were good things that could come from Gwaine's nightly trips to the taverns, Merlin thought as Arthur and Leon began to work out the details to the trip. Although, maybe next time Gwaine would think twice before downing 5 flagons of mead.

**Thanks to Cottontail for spending over three hours with me attempting to make this better. You should get another chapter next week sometime. If I don't post one next week then I'll post two the week after. Thanks for reading and I hope I got some laughs for you all. Until next time!**


	4. Sweet Dreams

**So one of the reviewers asked for a more Merlin-centric piece. Here you go! For those of you who celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas. For those of you who don't, I hope you are enjoying your winter. Thanks to all of the reviewers, followers, favorites, and views I have gotten. You guys are awesome and make my day when I see that hit counter slowly rising.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.**

Slavers are truly wonderful people. They really are. It's not as though they knock you out, kidnap you against your will, or keep you in a cage that hasn't been cleaned out since three years ago. Slavers are a fantastic and kind group of people who are very easy to reason with. Merlin continued his inward rant, getting angrier and angrier at the men who had captured the group. He groaned.

Merlin groaned as the cage him and the rest of the knights had been put in hit another bump in the road. They were investigating a series of attacks in one of the outlying villages. It turned out to be huge. Also, it turned out to be very magical. Mostly, it turned out to be hungry for the taste of human flesh. Finally, after a particularly long and arduous battle, Arthur had managed to track the beast back to its cave and—with a little unknown help from Merlin—killed it before it ate the rest of the village. Everyone was glad the thing was gone and so they decided to go to a local hot spring to relax. No one took their chainmail or swords with them, though Merlin had hidden a dagger in his boot. It was this that made them perfect targets for slavers to come and knock every single one of them unconscious.

Merlin understood why the slavers kept the knights, but he wasn't so sure why they took himself. Would Merlin really fetch a good enough price to warrant wasting supplies and time? Whatever. It didn't really matter in the end because now everyone was stuck in a cage, chained together, rolling to who knows where.

"Anyone come up with any bright ideas yet?" Elyan asked in a hushed tone, not wanting to alert the guards that they were awake and planning escape.

"Alright, alright," Arthur said while massaging his temples. "How about, when they come to open the cage Percival and Leon knock them out?" He looked up at the knights looking quite proud of the plan.

"We're chained together princess," Gwaine muttered. "It will take a miracle for that plan to work."

"They will probably use one of us as hostages in order to ensure good behavior," Leon added thoughtfully.

"So we're back to square one," Arthur groaned.

"Looks like it," Gwaine sighed as he slumped down even farther. The ride continued with everyone saying very little. Each lost in their own thoughts. Every once in a while one of them would start to speak, but would then stop when they realized their plan wasn't going to work. Merlin rarely felt this miserable. His wrists hurt from where the cuffs dug into them, his mouth was dry from not drinking anything, and he was hungry. The only upside to this was that there was no magic suppressors on the cuffs or on the cage. Merlin struggled to see how that would make the situation better. If it came down to it he would use magic to free his friends, even if that meant revealing himself and possible death.

The wagon slowed to a stop. It was getting dark out which probably meant that they were stopping for the night. Maybe that meant they would be taken out of the cage and Merlin could get in a better position. He half thought about laying his head on Arthur's shoulder as sort of a pillow, but he didn't want to push it. Arthur was already stressed and the slavers could use that against them. Plus the knights would tease both of them relentlessly when they were out of this mess. He would never hear the end of it.

The slavers dismounted and went about setting up camp. Gwaine was about to shout something but Arthur shook his head furiously. They did not need Gwaine making things worse, as Gwaine was prone to do. One of the slavers began to make his way over to the cage with what appeared to be rations. Merlin then had an idea. If he could cause a distraction and then knock everyone unconscious with a sleeping spell, he could free the knights and escape without having to reveal his magic. He could blame the unconsciousness on the food. He groaned. That meant he couldn't eat anything or else he would have to explain why he was still awake. The other slaver, who was working on the fire, got up and quickly joined his friend taking out a knife in the process.

Merlin knew what was coming long before they got here. They would open the cage door and press the knife to Merlin's throat. They might tease the knights a little by making some sort of conversation about how great it would be to spill Merlin's blood all over the floor (though they would probably use the term boy—they always did), which would cause Gwaine most likely, or possibly Arthur, to react violently. They would then press the knife harder against Merlin's throat to draw blood and warn of what would happen if they did something like that again. Food would be thrown into the cage, Merlin would be released when the door was closed, and all of the knights would be way too overprotective of him for the next week and a half.

The man with the food made his way to the door while the man with the knife actually didn't go towards Merlin, instead he held the blade to Leon's throat. He nodded to his companion who opened the cage and threw the food in before slamming it shut. How odd. Apparently the rest of the party thought so too.

"That's it?" Elyan asked looking at Leon for any signs of damage.

"Did he even break the skin?" Percival wondered aloud. Leon rubbed his neck and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well that was uneventful," Arthur said, wide eyes. As if disappointed that Leon wasn't damaged further.

"Usually they go for Merlin," Leon said to himself, as he raised an eyebrow and looked at the slavers who were sitting wordlessly around the campfire eating.

"Must not be the sadistic type?" Gwaine questioned, trying and failing to make a joke out of the situation. Everyone grabbed some of the bread that had been thrown in the cell and began to eat. Merlin was about to take a bite when he remembered his plan. He placed the bread back down on the ground and waited for the other knights to finish.

"Come on, Merlin, eat," Arthur commanded.

"Not hungry," Merlin mumbled, trying to ignore the shooting pains in his abdomen.

"Like hell you are," Gwaine retorted, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Merlin, if we're going to escape you need your strength," Percival tried. Merlin began to panic. All eyes were on him so it would be impossible to cause a distraction in order to knock everyone out. He couldn't lie and say he felt sick because then the knights would be all over him like the overprotective nobles they were. Guess it was time to do a nonverbal spell.

Merlin looked around one last time to see everyone eyeing him. He focused on the fire the slavers had set up. Only on that. He reached out and grabbed the piece of bread that had been tossed on the ground and then ducking his head as low as possible, willed the fire to roar to life. Merlin felt a surge of magic leave him as cries from across the camp could be heard.

Merlin looked up to see the fire raging out of control as the two slavers struggled to get it back under control. All of the knights were focusing on the commotion, which gave Merlin the perfect chance to use his spell.

"_Ic i beslép_" Merlin whispered as everyone in the camp began to yawn and fall over into a peaceful slumber. Merlin sank back against the wall and closed his eyes for a second before remembering that there was a fire currently raging in the campsite and if he didn't act soon it would probably burn down the whole forest. He sat up and once again searched his mind for the right words.

"_þurhwunaþ_" Merlin whispered, afraid to wake someone up. The hard part was done, now he just had to open the cage, unlock the chains, take them all away from the campsite and to safety, and—oh. Guess the whole 'putting everyone to sleep' bit was the easiest thing Merlin had to do tonight. Merlin sighed and whispered some more words in the Old Religion and was pleased to see the manacles that had formerly bound his friends clatter to the ground. The door was also easy, swinging open with a few well-spoken words.

Merlin crawled out of the cage, careful not to step on any of the knights, and stood up. He stretched and popped his joints, which were stiff for sitting so long, and began to make his way around the campsite. He got to the now under control fire and helped himself to the food the slavers were eating before. After a few minutes his hunger was satisfied and he decided to get his story straight since he was horrible at lying.

The food contained a sleeping draught and since Merlin never ate anything, that would explain why he was still awake. When the slavers had noticed this, they went to force some of the potion down his throat but he had managed to get a hold of a stick and knock out both men before grabbing the keys and unlocking everyone. It had a ton of holes and wasn't going to hold up very well if the knights pestered him for more information, but he would try and keep the subject brief and to the point.

He drank some water and walked back to the cage. Everyone looked so peaceful sleeping. Gwaine had curled up on Percival, whose mouth was slightly open. Elyan's head was on Leon's shoulder and Leon was snoring lightly. Arthur had curled up in the corner of the cage and looked rather childish in this state. It was almost too cute to break up. Almost.

Merlin frowned as a new problem presented itself: How to get everyone out. He could use magic but he had no idea how long the spell would last. Should one of the knights wake up floating, it would raise a lot of questions. Plus, Merlin didn't know a levitation spell. He really should start learning these things. Merlin ran his hand through his hair before deciding on a course of action.

He walked to the door of the cage and grabbed Gwaine's hand since he was the closest. Merlin started to pull him out when Gwaine suddenly grabbed onto Percival's tunic and held on for dear life.

"Gwaine," Merlin whined, "you have to let go of Percival,"

"Don't wanna," Gwaine murmured before burrowing deeper into Percival's chest.

"Gwaine please, for me," Merlin pleaded. He smiled as Gwaine let go of Percival's shirt and allowed himself to be dragged away from the warm body. Merlin tugged at Gwaine but misjudged his weight, causing him to be pulled to fast from the cage and drop unceremoniously to the ground. Merlin winced as he looked at the state Gwaine was in. His legs were still in the cage but his torso was out. His face was buried in the dirt below and Merlin still had a hold on his hand. Merlin dropped the hand to the ground and went to lift Gwaine up by his armpits. Merlin, with much difficulty, managed to get Gwaine turned over and went to pull him the rest of the way out of the cage. Merlin stepped back and tripped over a rock. He landed on his rear and Gwaine fell on top of him. Merlin managed to roll Gwaine over and stood up. He tried to lift the knight up, but he was really heavy. Finally, he settled for grabbing both hands and dragging Gwaine out of the clearing.

Merlin remembered there was a stream a little ways up the road, it would be the perfect place to hide the sleeping knights until the spell wore off. He continued to drag Gwaine up the road until he reached the stream. Luckily, there was a cave near, so he deposited the knight and walked back to the camp. That whole ordeal was much harder and took much longer than Merlin had originally hoped. He groaned as he realized that there were four more men that had to be taken to the cave.

He got back to the cage and looked at the knights. Because he mucked out the stables so often and carried all of Arthur's things Merlin actually had fairly decent upper body strength. He needed to remember to thank Arthur one of these days.

He managed to roll Elyan off of Leon and, with some difficulty, hoist him over his shoulder, much like what Arthur did when Merlin was injured. It was so much easier carrying Elyan this way than dragging him over the ground. He would apologize to Gwaine later. Merlin's legs began to shake as Elyan's weight became heavier. He was almost to the cave when he tripped and sent Elyan flying into the river. Merlin scrambled towards the bank as Elyan just lay in the water, his clothing now sopping wet from the swim. Merlin didn't have the strength to lift him back over his shoulders so he resorted to the hand-pull he had done with Gwaine. He deposited the second knight in the cave and returned. Three men to go.

Once again he returned to the cage and hoisted Leon over his shoulders. Everyone just seemed to be getting heavier each time he returned. This was not like stable work at all. Legs quivering, he almost wished he was in the stable full of dung. He was walking through the forest, stumbling every once in awhile but never dropping Leon, when he heard a twig snap. Merlin whipped around to see what had made the noise when he felt Leon smack against a tree. A rabbit came bounding out of a bush and ran past Merlin. Merlin prayed that he hadn't hurt Leon to bad. When he got to the cave he set Leon down and groaned as a large red welt had made its home on Leon's forehead. There were also an assortment of twigs sticking out of his hair and what appeared to be tree sap on the side of his face. Merlin just hoped the knights wouldn't be to mad at their states. He was saving their lives after all. But with these it was hard to tell.

Arthur was the next one to be brought out of the cage. Merlin decided to try have Arthur on his back rather than his shoulders. It didn't really make much of a difference, though. Everything hurt. Once again, Merlin found himself in the forest heading towards the lake. Almost done. He was almost done with this horrible ordeal.

Merlin really should have learned by now to pay attention to his surroundings. His foot found a loose log and with a yelp, he landed flat on his back, which so happened to hold Arthur. Merlin rolled off of Arthur and then picked up Arthur's hands and began to drag him. Merlin grimaced as he realized he was dragging Arthur through a mud puddle. The situation would have been really funny, the king of Camelot with a muddy backside, except Merlin would have to clean the clothes and deal with an angry king. Merlin plopped Arthur down next to his other three knights and with a sigh, went back one last time. For Percival. Good Lord, he was too weak for this.

He stood there for several minutes trying to figure out what to do about the knight who was twice his size and three times his weight. He finally gave up on getting a good idea and resorted to rolling Percival to the cave. Yes, that's right. Merlin, the most powerful warlock to walk the earth, was rolling a knight to a cave. Merlin's back began to seize up as Percival was rolled onto his back, and then his stomach. Back and forth, back and forth. Percival was now covered in mud leaves, twigs, and whatever else was on the forest floor. Perhaps dead animals. Most probably dead animals. When they finally got to the cave Merlin just collapsed onto the ground and went straight to sleep.

Arthur moaned as he began to wake up. What had happened last night? He remembered yelling at Merlin about his eating habits, then there was a fire and the next thing Arthur knew, he was asleep. He opened his eyes. He blinked a few times before furrowing his brow. He also remembered being in a cage, not a cave. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair only to discover a good amount of dust coming off of it.

"What the hell?" He murmured, looking at his hand and trying to remember when he had laid down in a mud puddle. He looked around to see the other knights and Merlin all sleeping around the cave.

First thing he had to do was inspect his men for injuries. Arthur winced as he looked at the states of each one. Gwaine had mud all over him and twigs in his hair. Elyan looked a little better but his clothes appeared to be soaking wet and he had a bruise on the left side of his face. Leon had a giant welt in the center of his forehead, twigs in his hair, and tree sap down the side of his face. Percival looked like he had spent the day rolling around on the forest floor, but otherwise unharmed. Merlin looked exhausted, and aside from some leaves in his hair, actually appeared to be in the best condition.

Arthur was trying to find a logical explanation as to why he and the rest of his men appeared to have taken a tumble on the forest floor when Gwaine groaned and opened his eyes.

"Where are we? Why do I feel like I spent the evening at the tavern?" Gwaine put a hand to his forehead and sat up.

"What do you remember?" Arthur asked tentatively.

"Not much, you?"

"The same," Arthur and Gwaine just sat in silence for a few minutes before Gwaine spoke again.

"We all look a bit worse for wear though," he chuckled as he began to pull twigs from his hair. Arthur smiled and nodded in agreement. One by one the knights woke up. Each with no recollection as to how they ended up in a cave.

"Guess Merlin will be the one to tell us," Percival said as he cracked his neck and started brushing some of the dust off. Merlin finally woke up to see all of the knights staring at him questioningly.

"What do you want?" he asked as he closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

"What happened last night?" Elyan asked.

"Saved us from becoming slaves," Merlin grumbled.

"Yes, we figured that. But how, Merlin?" Arthur asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Merlin sighed and sat up, recounting the tale (the one that didn't include magic) to the knights.

"You're the reason we feel this way!" Arthur shrieked after Merlin had finished with his story.

"What else was I supposed to do? You all weigh so much!" Merlin shot back.

"You could have taken the cage with you," Leon answered.

"What?"

"Yeah. The cage is designed to be rolled through the forest," Leon explained. "You could have tied the horses to it and dragged it to the river bank."

Merlin just stared at Leon for several minutes.

"We should get going," Merlin said suddenly, jumping up to leave.

"Oh no you don't," Gwaine smirked, snagging Merlin's waist and pulling him back to the ground.

"We need to thank you for your wonderful rescue attempt," Arthur grinned as Percival scooped Merlin up and tossed him over his shoulder.

"What are you guys doing?" Merlin cried, "Percival, please put me down!" The knights just laughed as Percival carried Merlin out of the cave. After walking for a little, Percival stopped.

"Here sire?" Percival asked. Arthur nodded.

"What's here? What's going on?" Merlin struggled to get out of Percival's grip but the man wasn't letting go of Merlin easily. With the knights all sniggering, Percival dropped Merlin into a mud puddle. Merlin yelped as he hit the mud. Arthur laughed as he took a clump of dirt and smeared it on Merlin's face.

"Can we go now?" Merlin asked, crossing his arms and pouting like a child. Gwaine helped Merlin to his feet, but not before pouring a handful of mud in Merlin's hair.

"Next time, use your brain mate," Gwaine sniggered, as they began to walk back towards Camelot. Merlin really couldn't understand why he hadn't thought of Leon's idea before. Next time, he really would have to think his plan through before carrying it out. He was never going to get the mud out of his hair.

**The two spells Merlin says are: Sleep and Calm Down. For those of you who read Percival's Plight you should recognize Merlin's plan. Thanks to Cottontail for editing and suggesting. Without her, my grammar would be terrible. See you all next week with another installment.**


	5. An Incredibly Brave Rescue

**Hello my lovelies. I would like to thank all of the reviewers for once again making me smile. I would also like to wish everyone a Happy New Years. If you get a chance, check out the 1999-2000 New Years Celebration at the Eiffel Tower. Truly amazing. Hope everyone is enjoying their winter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. This is a reality that makes me sad.**

_Just put one hand in front of the other. That's it, you're almost there._ Arthur thought to himself as he continued scaling the wall leading up to the high tower of an abandoned castle. These last few hours had been hell for him. The Knights of the Round Table, Arthur, and Merlin had all decided to go out on patrol. It was a relatively quite route. The purpose was more for Arthur to de-stress after a series of council meetings rather than for actually patrolling the area. It was more honorable than a hunt while still providing the same level of relaxation necessary for a stressed king. About an hour in, things took a turn for the worst.

The small party was suddenly ambushed by a group of knights from a neighboring kingdom. The fighting was intense, but everyone seemed to be holding their own. Merlin, much to Arthur's relief, had found refuge behind a tree and was going relatively unnoticed by the battle. The less he had to worry about the idiot getting stabbed the better. Though he was _not_ worried in the least. Arthur just didn't want to find a new servant, that's all. He turned back towards the battle but continued to keep an ear out for any cries of distress that would indicate Merlin being in trouble. The knights seemed to be getting the upper hand, causing Arthur to feel slightly better about the situation. Perhaps he could enjoy the rest of the day. Nothing like an ambush to help cut a patrol short.

"I wonder what it would be like to have a quiet patrol for once?" Gwaine asked as he dispatched another enemy. Arthur rolled his eyes. Gwaine had started making his attacks flashier. Apparently this fight wasn't challenging enough for the often drunk knight. Gwaine could at least pretend like he was a professional.

"We wouldn't know how to handle it," Elyan cried as he took out one sneaking up on Leon. Leon nodded his thanks as he helped Percival with the three he was fighting. A branch came crashing down on the heads of some bandits and several others dropped their swords. It seemed as though luck was on their side. Arthur couldn't help but smile. The end was near, the knights were retreating and none of his men seemed to be harmed. Just as he had this thought, his world came crashing down.

"Drop the weapons or I slit his throat!" came a gruff voice. Arthur froze, realizing that it was coming from the direction Merlin had been hiding. He prayed that his servant was alright, though he knew he would not be so fortunate. Merlin attracted trouble like honey attracted bees. If anyone was to be held hostage, it would certainly be Merlin.

Arthur slowly turned around, dreading the sight that would soon meet his eyes. He groaned as his eyes rested on Merlin being held by a burly knight. The knight had one hand across Merlin's torso holding him tightly to prevent escape and the other with a shining dagger pressed to his throat. Gwaine gasped and threw down his sword so quickly, Arthur wondered if he had seen Merlin before the knight spoke. Arthur and the rest of the knights followed Gwaine's example even though Merlin kept shaking his head no, telling Arthur to keep fighting and save himself. The stupid self-sacrificing idiot!

"Now that we have your attention, I want all of you to kneel on the ground," the knight said removing the blade from Merlin's throat and using it to point at the ground. Arthur almost tackled him to the ground but 1) he would probably crush Merlin in the process (the term "breakable" didn't even begin to describe Merlin) and 2) the dagger wasn't gone from Merlin's throat long enough for any action.

Once all of the knights were on the ground Arthur spoke. "Alright, you have us at your mercy, now let him go," he said, trying to sound authoritative and calm. His voice betrayed him and came out more as begging than a command. He secretly prayed that the knight would let Merlin go and then immediately kill Gwaine and Percival because once those two got a chance, that man was as good as dead.

The knight spoke again. "Actually, _sire_, we need information about Camelot, and I know just how to get it." He ran the blade across Merlin's cheek and sneered at the outraged expressions every knight was throwing his way.

"Knock 'em out," he commanded as he drove the butt of the handle into the back of Merlin's head. Merlin slumped over into the knight's arms and that was the last thing Arthur saw before searing pain and darkness overtook him.

Arthur woke up in the clearing where the fight had commenced. Except there was no one else with him. No enemy knights, no Gwaine, Leon, Percival, or Elyan, and certainly no Merlin. Arthur groaned and rolled over realizing that it was dusk. Four hours! He had been out for nearly four hours! He sat up and rubbed his head, still pounding from being knocked unconscious. He had to find his men. The knight who was holding Merlin had said something about getting information and Arthur didn't want to think about what that entailed. He couldn't. Not if he was going to find the others in time. Any images his imagination came up with would be a distractions. Unwelcome distractions. With this new thought in his head Arthur stood up, grabbed his sword and began to run.

The knights made no attempt at hiding the trail they left and it was clear Percival was being dragged through the forest. Arthur felt mixed emotions at this. On one hand his knight was being treated so carelessly, but on the other he was leaving a trail Arthur could follow in the dark. He probably should have gone to get help from Camelot but he didn't really have the time. Arthur continued to run through the forest, legs pumping impossibly faster, reminding himself that he had to get to his friends before—

"Sure you don't need any help?" Elyan shouted from the top of the tower.

"I'm fine Elyan. Just stay put and keep calm until I get up there," Arthur shouted back. He gritted his teeth and continued to climb.

"We are calm mate. We are also free and no one is in any danger," Gwaine hollered as he poked his head over the side, joining Elyan. Arthur groaned and pulled himself to the next rung.

"Sire, it's alright to accept the fact that we freed ourselves before you got here. There is nothing to be ashamed of," Leon called out. Arthur felt his face flush. He had bravely run through the bloody forest, got to the bloody castle, and began to climb up the bloody wall just to be told that everyone had already freed themselves. No! They needed Arthur to come rescue them and dammit he was going to heroically scale the wall and save them!

"It's not that we don't appreciate the effort, it's just that you look tired," Percival called as he joined the group now and was looking at Arthur with a worried expression.

"Seriously sire, you could fall and hurt yourself," Leon continued.

"For the last time I am fine! I will do this! Why the hell is there a dead knight at the bottom of the castle?" Arthur asked, desperate to change the subject as his arms started to shake.

"He's the one that held Merlin captive," Elyan stated. As if that explained anything.

"I know that. Why is he down at the bottom of the tower?"

"Gwaine and Leon threw him off of the top for what he did to Merlin," Percival responded as if that action was completely normal. Great, just great. Arthur wanted to be the one to avenge Merlin for being held hostage. He needed his anger to be released onto something and who better than the man who held a dagger to Merlin's throat. What's more is the fact that Leon, the knight that was always level headed, threw the man off the top of the tower. Now Arthur knew to never get on his bad side.

"You know," Elyan said, stroking his chin thoughtfully, "it was actually Leon's idea to get rid of the knight."

"Then why didn't you put him in the dungeon!" Arthur called out, his arms were getting really heavy.

"He tried to escape," Gwaine shrugged. Arthur highly doubted that the knight had tried to escape.

"It was the result of bad judgment, sire," Leon responded, almost as if he could read Arthur's thoughts. "It won't happen again." Arthur huffed in annoyed amusement. He had a feeling it would happen again. He heard footsteps pounding against the floor of the tower and then a surprised shout.

"Hang on Merlin," Gwaine sighed as he left the wall. "We really should put pillows on you with the amount you trip," he continued fondly.

"I found some rope," Merlin's voice called out, slightly out of breath. "Would you like me to throw it down? It might help you climb." Merlin had joined the knights at the edge of the tower. Gwaine's arm was slung around his shoulders. Arthur was now even angrier. Apparently, Merlin thought he needed help. This day couldn't possibly get any worse. Arthur clenched his teeth and climbed some more.

"NO! For the last time I do not need help!" Arthur did not want this daring rescue mission to go to waste. He continued up a few more feet when the rope fell down beside him.

"I said I don't need it!" Arthur shouted, seeing that Percival had left the group and was probably the one holding the rope at the moment.

"Sire, it would go a lot faster if you just took the rope and climbed up. It's still heroic, and we can take the stairs back down," Leon pleaded.

"Wait there's stairs to the top!" Arthur almost fell off at this revelation. He had been scaling the wall for the past half hour when he could have taken the stairs!

"How the hell do you think we got up here princess?" Gwaine called as he began twirling a strand of hair in between his fingers. Arthur sighed. He was tired, his muscles hurt, and he just wanted to get back to Camelot. Maybe he would make Merlin draw him a bath and then order the idiot to muck out the stables. Yes, that would do nicely. But first he had to get up to the tower. He looked at the rope, then back up at the knights and Merlin before reaching out and grabbing onto it.

"There we go," Merlin said as he clapped his hands together. Leon breathed a sigh of relief.

"Was that so hard?" Gwaine teased as he motioned to Percival to start pulling Arthur up. Arthur just grunted and continued to walk up the tower. He knew it was childish to use the silent treatment on his knights. They were only trying to help. Whatever, he was the king and he could give the silent treatment if he wanted. In a few minutes Arthur had managed to get to the ledge, and with the help of Leon and Elyan, pull himself over onto the ground.

"You all should be thanking me on bended knee," Arthur gasped as he tried to catch his breath. Merlin handed him a water skin.

"If it wasn't for your stunt we would have been out of here 40 minutes ago," Gwaine snorted as Arthur stood up and attempted to regain some of his composure.

"How'd you escape?" Arthur asked, he was really curious as to how his knights had regained consciousness and fought their way through thirty men without a scratch.

"Once they got us here all but the one who held Merlin and one of his subordinates left," Leon explained.

"It really wasn't that hard to take them out, especially when Merlin hit the guard over the head with the water jug," Elyan shrugged. Arthur groaned. Not only had he completely failed if rescuing his friends, but their escape was led and carried out by Merlin with a piece of dishware.

"We won't tell anyone," Merlin assured him, although his giant smile suggested that the whole debacle would spread throughout the castle very quickly.

"Well if you hadn't been captured like a girl, _Merlin_, then we would have won the fight and this never would have happened in the first place," Arthur huffed in annoyance as the group began to make their way down the stairs.

"You're the one who decided to take the hard route," Merlin shot back as he gave Arthur a not-so-gentle shove. Arthur shoved Merlin back and then proceeded to chase him out of the castle and into the woods.

Leon smiled as he heard Merlin shout "At least I did something productive!"

"You took out two, I took out twenty!"

"Did not"

"Well how would you know since you can't count!" Gwaine sniggered at the bickering between the two.

"Should we go after them?" Percival asked, worry written all over his face.

"Why?" Elyan said. "He won't hurt Merlin."

"No it's not that. It's just, well, Camelot is that way," Percival pointed in the opposite direction from which Arthur and Merlin had taken off.

"I'll go get them," Leon sighed. "Sire!" he shouted as he jogged off towards Arthur and Merlin.

"We should probably wait here," Gwaine said after several minutes.

"Good idea," Elyan and Percival replied, as all three plopped onto the ground. It had certainly been an entertaining day. Elyan was right, if nothing happened on patrols they probably wouldn't be able to handle it. It was with this thought that the three knights got comfortable and waited for their companions to return.

**Does anyone else feel a little bad for Arthur? He really is trying. I am working on some multi-chapter stories so keep an eye out for those. Another side note is that Cottontail didn't have time to edit this with me so excuse the grammar mistakes. That being said, I hope you all have a great rest of the week.**


	6. An Incredibly Brave Escape

**Here is the sequel to An Incredibly Brave Rescue. Well, it isn't really a sequel. It's more like the actual escape. Arthur's going to be a little MIA in this one. Which makes sense as he is running through the forest while the others are in the dungeon. Just so you all know I do read every review. I'm sorry to those who don't get a response but I do enjoy reading what you guys think. **

**Disclaimer: Is this really even necessary? I really don't want to get sued by BBC so I'll do it anyways. I don't own Merlin. **

Merlin groaned as he rolled over onto his side. His hands were cuffed together and his head was pounding. It felt as though he had spent an evening at the tavern with Gwaine. What happened? That's right, the ambush. Merlin remembered taking refuge behind the tree so that he could discretely do magic to help turn the tide of the battle. Gwaine made some comment about having an easy patrol. Merlin chuckled as the easy-going knight appeared to be comfortable as he fought the string of knights. Merlin saw another wave of attackers charging through the forest and decided to get rid of them before they had a chance to cause to much damage. A few well chosen words had caused the majority of the oncoming knights to drop their swords and trip over their feet. Merlin smiled at his success and got ready to recite another spell when he felt cold steel pressed to his throat.

"One move boy, and I'll kill you right here," came a voice from behind him. An arm snaked around his torso and hugged him close. Of course this had to happen to him. Merlin was always the one getting captured of injured. It just fueled the belief that he was a fragile china doll that would break if you so much as bumped into him. Merlin didn't even have to try and find trouble. It just came up from behind him and took him hostage. Merlin could already see the reactions of the other knights. When they got out of this situation, if they got out, everyone would be way to protective of Merlin. He wouldn't be gathering herbs alone. He wouldn't collect firewood alone. Hell, Gwaine would probably find some excuse to follow him everywhere. As Merlin inwardly groaned at the prospect of being constantly watched for the next couple weeks, the knight holding him steered him out into the open.

"Drop the weapons or I slit his throat," the knight called out to Arthur and the others. Gwaine's eyes widened before tossing down his sword while the rest of the knights just stared at Merlin for a moment before dropping their weapons as well. Merlin tried to shake his head. He tried to tell Arthur to keep fighting and save himself. Instead Arthur and the other knights just kneeled on the ground as the knight behind Merlin sneered and dug the knife deeper into Merlin's throat. Merlin whimpered involuntarily as he felt blood begin to leak from the shallow cut.

Arthur had demanded the knight let Merlin go.

The idiot king did realize that the only way that was going to happen was if Merlin was killed. Why couldn't Arthur understand just because you say someone is useless, doesn't mean they will be released. In fact, just begging for Merlin's life was probably doing more harm than good. And what do you know? Merlin was right. Instead of releasing the servant, the knight decided to tease Arthur by mentioning torture. To drive home his point he ran the blade across Merlin's cheek, causing Merlin to shudder. This really wasn't his lucky day.

The knife left Merlin's face and he breathed a sigh of relief. He knew that it wasn't going to be permanent. But it was still comforting to know that for an instant, Merlin wasn't in danger of having his throat slit. Before he could rejoice too much, he felt a sharp pain at the back of his head causing him to slump down into the darkness. Now that his memory was back, it was time to see the full extent of the situation. Merlin opened his eyes again and sat up slowly, so he wouldn't aggravate his headache any further.

His eyes focused as Merlin looked around the cell. He saw that he was the only occupant. Merlin almost panicked at this thought. If he didn't know where the other knights were, he wouldn't know how badly they were injured, or what was going on. However, he quickly calmed down when he saw the cell across from him was the one holding his friends. Merlin crawled over to the door and looked around for a guard. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw there was no one there.

"Leon, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan?" Merlin called out quietly in an effort to rouse the others. Arthur wasn't in the cell, which caused Merlin to worry. He hoped the knights had placed Arthur in a more secure cell. It didn't sound like they wanted to torture Arthur, just Merlin and the knights. Still he couldn't take the chance that Arthur was somewhere in the building being tortured for information.

Merlin cursed at himself as he realized the only reason they were in this mess was because Merlin had gotten captured. If he had paid attention to his surroundings like Arthur was constantly trying to make him do, he would have heard the knight and fought him. It was because of his stupidity and overconfidence that he and the knights were going to be tortured for information. Merlin swallowed as he tried to keep his bravery. He messed up once, he wasn't about to let Camelot fall because of his stupid mistake.

He sat up and began to say a spell to unlock the door, when he noticed runes carved in the cuffs. Merlin inspected them before sagging back against the walls. The knights who captured the group were probably unaware of Merlin's magic. But they had still placed the warlock in magic restraining cuffs. Now he had to rely entirely on the other knights. Something Merlin was not fond of doing.

"Guys, " Merlin called again, this time a little louder, "you have to wake up now," Merlin pleaded. He sat up straighter and decided to try a new tactic. "We have to get out of here and find Arthur," he sighed and leaned back against the wall as this still didn't rouse the knights. If the possibility of a dead king wasn't even enough to get Leon up, then there was really nothing Merlin could do, short of shouting. He really didn't want to announce his awakening to their captors, though.

Merlin sat like this for several more minutes, wondering where everyone was at. It was strange that not one guard had passed by to see if the prisoners were awake. The knight that had held Merlin captive didn't even come down to gloat about his success. All in all, it was a weird situation. But if they were terrible guards, like the ones in Camelot, then it might be easier to escape. Occasionally Merlin would call out to the knights but got no response. The longer the group stayed like this, the more likely no escape plan would be formed. At least, not until the questioning started. As Merlin continued to think about ways of escape, he felt his eyes beginning to droop. But before he could fall asleep, a groan echoed throughout the halls.

"Ah my head."

"Gwaine!" Merlin shouted, happier than he had ever been at hearing the knight's voice.

"Merlin mate, keep your voice down. I spent way to long in the tavern last night," Gwaine complained as he sat up.

"How much do you remember?" Merlin asked anxiously. Gwaine sat there for a moment to take in his surroundings when his eyes widened and he rushed over to the cell door.

"Merlin, are you alright? Gods, I'm going to kill every last one of them," Gwaine growled as he visually checked to see if Merlin had any other injuries.

"Gwaine I'm fine. Really, just a headache," Merlin said. "Try to wake up the others. I haven't seen any guards or Arthur so we need to move quickly." Gwaine hesitated for a moment, but as he couldn't actually help Merlin due to the bars separating, them he settled for waking the others up.

Leon jerked awake and quickly scanned the room for Arthur. He cursed when Gwaine explained he wasn't with them. Percival was equally worried about Arthur but was also very uneasy about the fact that Merlin was separated from them. Elyan woke up and immediately started planning how they could escape. As time went by, the plans got much more ridiculous.

"There are no chickens for us to use," Percival said gently, shooting down another of Elyan's ideas.

"How about if we pretend like one of us is possessed!" Elyan cried happily as he came up with another solution.

"I've done it before," Gwaine said with a smile. Remembering his days before knighthood when manners and etiquette were unused by the drunk. Well, the man still didn't use them, but he was doing better!

"Perhaps we should focus on the problem of the interrogation we will surely be subjected to," Leon said, stopping Elyan mid-sentence and snapping Gwaine out of his nostalgic thoughts. After much discussion, and much to Merlin's displeasure, it was decided that the knights would take the brunt of the torture and try to keep Merlin as far from the action as possible.

"It's my fault we're in this mess I should be the one tortured," Merlin argued.

"Merlin, I understand you feel responsible but you have no idea what these people have in store. I'm not saying your weak, I'm saying we have been trained to withstand this kind of treatment," Leon said in a pleading tone. Merlin was just as stubborn as Arthur. Leon knew it would be a fight to keep Merlin quiet, especially since it appeared the knights planned on starting with the boy. But as the senior knight it was his responsibility to keep everyone safe, especially Merlin.

"Merlin, please just let us handle it," Elyan begged. Merlin just huffed in frustration and slumped back against his cell wall. The group heard footsteps coming down the hallway and heard two voices talking excitedly.

Everyone braced themselves for what was coming. The two men turned the corner. One of them was the knight who held a knife to Merlin's throat. Gwaine growled as he looked at the man. Leon put a hand on his shoulder to try and keep him calm. Now, to immediately turn the focus to him.

"Where's the king?" Leon asked before Merlin got a chance.

"Left him behind," the man said with a wave of his hand. "We want him to use his imagination as to what's being done to you," he sneered and turned towards Merlin. It didn't work.

"How many men are there with you?" Gwaine shouted, desperate to keep them from Merlin. The man sighed.

"Get the supplies," He said to his subordinate who immediately turned and left the dungeon quickly. They were making a point to ignore the other knights. The man opened Merlin's cell door and stepped inside.

"Leave him alone he doesn't know anything," Leon said, his plan falling apart very quickly. He knew he sounded desperate, but he was. Perhaps if the knight decided Leon was easier to break, he would go for the knight. This idea was quickly shot down as the man spoke again.

"Oh he doesn't have to know anything, this is just as much about torturing you," the man smirked as he stepped closer to Merlin. Merlin, determined not to be seen as a coward, sat up a little straighter and glared at him.

"Don't worry, that look will be going away very soon," the man chuckled as he knelt down in front of Merlin.

"Here's the things you asked for sir," the other knight said, jogging down to the dungeon and stepping in the cell. The head knight stood back up and walked over to the tray that held the equipment Merlin assumed he was going to be tortured with. The man looked over the materials before walking out of the cell.

"Have fun but make sure he's still alive," he called as he rounded the corner. The knight looked at Merlin and licked his lips. Merlin stood up to get a better look at the tray. On it were several knives, a whip, a water jug, and a cup. Apparently the knight was going to get thirsty throughout the session. Or perhaps he would be kind and give Merlin something to drink. Sometime vicious barbarians were hospitable.

"Why don't you come over here and pick on someone your own size," Merlin heard Elyan shout from the other cell.

"Don't expect cowards to fight men that may beat them," Leon said calmly. If he couldn't distract the knight with questions, he would antagonize the knight with insults. Merlin got angry. They were trying to draw the man's attention away from him. Why couldn't they focus this much energy into trying to escape? It did, however, get the subordinates attention.

"You think I'm a coward?" the knight laughed and turned around.

"Why else would you resort to torture for information, and hostages for obedience?" Leon said with a shrug. His nonchalance about the situation fueled the torturers annoyance. He was not a coward. It was time to show that pitiful Camelot noble who was a coward. The knight laughed and stepped out of the cell. Merlin was about to throw an angry glare at the knights and call his captor back when he remembered that the guard had just left a tray full of weapons at Merlin's disposal. He smiled and picked up the perfect weapon. Carefully he creeped up behind the knight who was breathing heavily. Leon was continuing to antagonize the man with an air of indifference. This caused him to become increasingly hostile and frustrated.

"You weak, pathetic-" CLANG. The knight slumped down to the ground revealing Merlin with the water jug and a lopsided grin. The knights all cheered.

"Good job Merlin!" Gwaine cried as Merlin found the keys and unlocked the other cell and their handcuffs. Elyan took the keys from Merlin and got his handcuffs off as well. Merlin felt his magic rush back into his veins, finally free from the prison. He also noted that the others had similar runes carved into the metal.

"Let's go find Arthur," Leon said, clearly relieved that they were all free and unharmed. Leon took the lead and led them up out of the dungeon.

"Where is everyone?" Percival whispered as they continued to creep up the stairs. They reached the top of the tower, not running into one single person, only to discover the head knight sleeping. There were only two people in the compound? That didn't seem very secure. Merlin thought as he took a look at the top of the tower. It was around dusk, so they had been captured for approximately four hours. Gwaine saw the knight and walked up to him, followed by the others. They stared at him for a second before Leon picked up a goblet of wine and poured it over the knight's head. The knight sputtered and fell out of his chair.

"How'd you escape?" he asked as he looked up at four very angry knights.

"The question isn't how we escaped," Percival said.

"The question is what we're going to do to you," Gwaine finished, squatting down next to the knight.

"Listen, if this was about the whole 'leaving your king behind in the forest' thing, how about we just forget it," The knight smiled.

"This isn't about that, well partially but not entirely," Gwaine growled. Merlin went to look over the edge of the wall when he heard a shout. He whipped his head around to see the knights standing casually by the edge. Seemingly undeterred by the previous cry of distress.

"Did you just throw the knight over the edge of the tower?" Merlin asked.

"That would be dishonorable," Leon shrugged.

"He tripped an fell," Gwaine added, not bothering to hide the smile on his face.

"We should get going so that we can find the King," Percival added.

"Oh no you're not!" came a voice from the stairs.

"You're not getting out of this place that easily," the knight Merlin had knocked out had apparently woken up and was not happy about the turn of events. He took out a sword and staggered towards the knights.

"I'm going to enjoy this immensely," he said. How he was planning on fighting his way through four armed men was completely lost to Merlin. Still, he couldn't allow his friends to do all of the work. The knight smiled and raised up his sword and prepared to charge when another metallic clang could be heard. The man once again fell over to reveal Merlin, who still had the water pitcher from the dungeons in his hand.

"We should always carry a metallic jug with us so that Merlin can protect us," Gwaine sniggered. Merlin just sat there and grinned. Leon sighed and made his way over the wall to see if the other knight was really dead. It was strange how fast the others could go from overprotective and guarded, to unconcerned and carefree. Leon leaned over the side and looked down.

"What the hell?" he muttered to himself.

"What is it?" Percival said, coming over to the edge of the tower.

"Well, I think I just found our king," Leon responded, looking quite astonished. Everyone turned and looked over the edge of the wall, confused as to what Leon meant. The answer became clear quite quickly. Indeed, Arthur was down at the bottom.

"What the hell is he doing?" Gwaine muttered.

"It looks like he's trying to climb up the wall," Leon answered.

"Should we tell him we're free?" Merlin asked. There really was no reason to worry Arthur more than necessary.

"Merlin, see if you can find something to help him up here. I'll let him know we're safe," Leon said turning to Merlin. Merlin nodded and started making his way down the stairs.

"Sire!" Leon called as he poked his head back over the edge to stare at Arthur. Arthur looked up.

"Leon!" he shouted. "Is that you?"

"Yes," Leon hesitated, "you don't have to climb the tower, all of us are free,"

"WHAT?" Arthur shouted.

"Yeah, we kind of freed ourselves," Leon added sheepishly. He hoped Arthur wouldn't be an idiot and accept the fact that he wasn't needed for a rescue, but he knew Arthur too well.

"Look, just stay calm, I'll be right there," Arthur shouted again. Leon groaned. Looks like he was going to have to deal with a stubborn king.

"Merlin went to go find something to help you, to make the climb easier," Elyan called down.

"Don't need it," Arthur grunted as he continued to climb. The knights all exchanged worried glances.

"He's being an idiot," Gwaine said.

"His pride is stinging," Leon explained.

"Yes, well I'd rather not return to Camelot with a king who fell to his death because he was too proud," Gwaine said waving his hands in the air.

"When Merlin gets back we'll be able to help him. For now, just let him think he's being a hero," Leon said as Elyan made his way back over to the edge and began to talk to Arthur again. Leon massaged his temples. He knew that getting Arthur to accept help would be next to impossible. He just hoped that the king would make it up to the top of the tower without a lot of trouble. Leon made his way over to the edge to stand with Elyan. He was going to have a long talk with Arthur about his hero complex, and Merlin with his self-sacrificing personality, when they got back to Camelot.

**Yay! Finished! Does anyone else what to know what the chicken plan entailed? Perhaps plot bunnies will visit me and allow my creativity to flow. For now, you'll just have to stick with the previous chapters for fantastic escapes. Enjoy the rest of you're week.**


	7. The Therapy Session

**I'm pleased with the way this one turned out. I have lots in my head for stories, so keep waiting for updates.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.**

Arthur crept through the forest, not making a sound. His eyes zeroed in on the target. He had evaded the king for far too long. He thought he could outsmart Arthur, but he was so very wrong. Arthur had tracked him through the forests and the young king was not going to give up now. He had the target in his sights. Arthur held up a hand to stop his men, the Knights of the Round Table. Everyone prepared to attack and Arthur placed an arrow in his bow and prepared to fire. There was no way he would let him win. Arthur prepared to let arrow fly when Merlin decided to sneeze.

"ACHOOO!" Merlin cried loudly as the stag Arthur had been hunting for nearly half a day ran off.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted as the prize ran off into the forest. There was no way he could find the damn thing now. What a waste of a hunt.

"I didn't trip," Merlin snapped as he picked up a rabbit he had dropped.

"Now what are we supposed to bring back!" Arthur cried as he placed the arrow back in the quiver and shoved the bow roughly into Merlin's hands. He couldn't punch the man, though Arthur really wanted to.

"What's wrong with the rabbits?" Merlin asked innocently.

"Don't pretend like you didn't scare it off on purpose," Arthur snarled. Merlin just stood there with his big eyes, staring innocently at Arthur. Arthur growled and looked away. He knew what Merlin was doing. And if he stared at him for too long, it would probably work.

"We should make camp for the night, seeing how we don't have anything to track," Leon said. He was also slightly annoyed at the lack of game. But Arthur knew how much Merlin disliked hunting, and how bad he was at it. Arthur should really stop taking the boy along on these trips. Merlin huffed in annoyance and cleared up his kicked puppy expression.

"I think there was a clearing somewhere back towards the East," Percival stated as they gathered up their supplies and began to head towards the clearing. He wasn't too upset about Merlin scaring away the game. He didn't really enjoy hunting for no reason. But after half a day of hunting, he did want something to show for it.

Throughout the rest of the evening, Arthur's mood didn't improve like Merlin had hoped. Usually Merlin would make dinner, Arthur would eat it, and he would forgive Merlin. They would go back to their normal bickering selves after about an hour or two. This didn't appear to be happening. So now Merlin had to try and make things right with an apology. Maybe if he set aside his pride and told Arthur that it was all his fault, Arthur would forgive him. Although that time really was an accident. The first six may have been on purpose, but the last time wasn't.

"Look, I'm sorry about the deer," Merlin said quietly as he plopped down next to Arthur. Arthur was still giving Merlin the silent treatment. Merlin sighed. Not even an apology could pull the king from his brooding.

"Tomorrow I will be as quiet as you need me to be," Merlin promised with a forced smile. He set a water skin next to Arthur and made his way into the forest to gather more firewood. Perhaps it was best to just let Arthur stew in his emotions for a little while longer.

"I don't think I've ever seen the princess this angry," Gwaine whispered to Elyan as Percival sat down to join them.

"He'll get over it by tomorrow morning," Leon responded, throwing another stick onto the fire. "He's just stressed, that's all." They returned to silence after Leon had spoken. Without Merlin and Arthur constantly arguing, the campsite was silent and depressing. Gwaine had run out of tavern tales in the morning, so no one really had anything to discuss. It was kind of sad how the group had come to rely on Merlin insulting Arthur, and Arthur insulting Merlin. It was unnatural, this level of silence.

The men sat around the fire for a few more minutes when they heard someone cry out in distress. Everyone was immediately on their feet with swords in their hands.

"That sounded like Merlin," Elyan gasped. Arthur was about to make a jab at how Merlin probably just saw a snake, when another Merlin shouted again.

"Let me go!" This time, Arthur didn't make any move to insult Merlin.

"Come on," he commanded and began to run to the woods with his men close behind. But before they could get very far, Merlin was thrown unceremoniously at their feet.

"Ow," Merlin groaned as he got on his hands and knees and attempted to stand up. Someone put a foot in between his shoulders and pushed him back onto the ground.

"Hello boys!" a man said as he stepped out from behind a tree. "Looks like we got ourselves a group of nobles," he announced as more men began to show themselves. Normally, even while being surrounded, Arthur would have started a battle. His men were some of the best warriors in the five kingdoms and could easily win a fight against 20 or 30 bandits. This time, however, was different because the leader had Merlin. No matter how upset Arthur was with the man, he wouldn't allow any harm to come to him. Starting a battle with 30 armed men was sure fire way to hurt Merlin quickly, possibly even get him killed.

"I wonder how much they're worth," one of them said. He was really tall, possibly taller than Percival. Though not as muscly, thank the gods.

"Well tomorrow, we're meeting with a slaver. He should be able to tell us," said another one. This one looked like a mouse and had a high-pitched, squeaky voice.

"Excellent thoughts, gentlemen!" the leader laughed as he clapped his hands together. The tall man made quick work of relieving the knights of their weapons. The mousy one bound their hands. When the work was done, the leader dragged Merlin up by his collar and once again, threw him at the knights. Leon managed to catch him before he hit the ground.

"Sorry, didn't hear them," Merlin murmured as Leon helped steady him. The group was directed over to a tree by the tall one where they were tied to it. Probably to prevent further escape.

"They haven't recognized Arthur yet," Elyan whispered.

"Let's keep it that way," Leon said back. "The more they think we are just a bunch of low grade nobles, the more likely we are to get out of this." Everyone nodded in agreement. Merlin was looking around for anything that could be used as escape, and he knew the others were doing the same thing. It was easy to see that everyone was getting frustrated at the lack of options. Merlin looked up at the other knights. Leon had his brow furrowed and was staring intently at the ground. Gwaine was muttering to himself and would occasionally shake his head. Elyan was staring at a tree and chewing on his lip. Merlin looked at Arthur but immediately lowered his eyes.

He really didn't mean to get captured. Arthur would probably blame the whole incident on Merlin anyways. Merlin had heard a twig snap when he was gathering the wood. He stood up to investigate the noise when a very heavy blow was landed on the back of his head. It wasn't hard enough to knock him out, but it did hurt. Merlin looked up at Percival to see if there was any spark of hope in his eyes. There wasn't. Percival was just staring at the men around the campfire, looking thoughtful. Merlin tried to maneuver to get to the dagger he always hid in his boot when Percival spoke.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked. The men around the campfire stopped talking and looked at him.

"Because we need the money. And we want too," the leader countered with a smile.

"But why are you doing this?" Percival tried again. "Didn't you want to do something else with your life?" The bandits all stopped and looked at each other.

"No one's really asked us that before," the mousy one squeaked.

"Well, very few children want to be criminals when they grow up," Percival stated in a matter of fact tone. "I just want to know what happened to make you guys to cold." The men just stared at the knight for a second.

"Didn't you guys have other dreams?" Percival continued, trying to push the bandits into some confessions.

"Uh, Perce," Gwaine whispered, "we are trying to escape, not make friends." Percival just shot Gwaine a look that clearly said 'shut up and stay out of this'. He turned back to the criminals who were all looking at one another.

"I always wanted to be a singer," the big one finally said after a moment of silence. Elyan let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

"What happened?" Percival asked, hoping to get somewhere with the man.

"I met Lucinda," the large man said with a misty look in his eyes.

"She was perfect. Convinced me to give up my dream to live the life of a farmer." The other bandits hissed at the notion of a normal life.

"I was so happy," his face darkened, "until she ran off with the butcher." The crowd booed and shouted at this.

"I became like this so that no one will ever hurt me again." Percival nodded awkwardly to show his understanding of this situation. Well, he didn't really understand the situation, no one had ever run out on him, but he wanted to show support.

"Don't worry, you can open up to us," the leader said, patting the tall one on the back clumsily. "We're your new family now." The tall one looked up with tears in his eyes.

"You have no idea how much that means to me," his voice cracked.  
"I had a dream too," squeaked out the mousy man. He apparently wanted to tell his own depressing story. Percival didn't really want to know. But he had opened up the floodgates, so now he had to swim.

"I had a blacksmiths." Arthur snorted at this revelation. The man paid no heed and continued. "Yup, I was the best blacksmith the five kingdoms had ever seen. But my competition, man called Aldair, burned it to the ground," the mousy man finished, his eyes starting to water as well.

"Wait," Elyan said, "Aldair took out your forge too?"  
"Yup, nothing left."

"He's the reason I had to leave Cenred's Kingdom," Elyan spat. The mousy man lit up and began talking to Elyan about how horrible this man called Aldair was. One by one, the bandits all started sharing their life stories with Percival. Merlin couldn't believe how well Percival was dealing with all of this emotion. Some bandits broke down completely and started sobbing about lost loves or other problems. Others stoically told their stories but showed no signs of emotional distress. Merlin couldn't help but feel sorry for most of them. They hadn't wanted this life. They were forced to live this way because of misfortune. Most of them anyways. Some were just crazy and liked murdering people.

"Why are you being so kind and caring," the leader asked Percival and another one of his men broke down and cried about how his village was hit by famine and he had no other choice but to become a bandit.

"Because I like helping people I guess," Percival shrugged as a bandit threw himself at Gwaine and began sobbing into his shirt.

"There, there," Gwaine said uncomfortably as he tried to shrug the bandit off of him. Percival got a mischievous glint in his eye. Leon raised a questioning eyebrow at him. He didn't like where this was going.

"You guys aren't my real project though," he added. The leader looked up confused.

"You see that man right there?" Percival motioned to Arthur. "This is his servant," Percival jerked his head towards Merlin. The leader cocked his head and looked back and forth between the two.

"What do you mean 'project'?" the bandit asked. Arthur was glaring at Percival.

"You see, these two are friends," the leader snorted. "No, it's true. I get that nobles have to put up a certain façade and can't be friends with servants, but for God's sake. These two are closer than anything else in this world. But even when they are alone it is always servant and master," Percival ranted, all eyes on him now.

"That's despicable," the tall one shouted as he stood up abruptly.

"I know, these two are like brothers but they never act like it," Percival continued.

"This cannot be allowed to continue," the mousy one squeaked.

"I agree. We are all brothers in this camp and we all act like it," the leader said while the rest of the men nodded and shouted in agreement.

"Percival, I appreciate what you're trying to do but really, it isn't necessary," Merlin said.

"Oh yes it is," Percival chuckled as the bandits of the camp huddled in a circle to discuss how to get Merlin and Arthur to show their "love" for one another.

"Percival, if you do something," Arthur growled.

"I'm not doing anything, I merely voiced my concerns about your relationship," Percival replied innocently.

"Just don't kill Merlin when this is over," Gwaine said to Arthur as the bandits broke their circle and walked over to the prisoners.

"We will let you go," everyone sighed in relief, "if these two do what we ask." Arthur and Merlin groaned.

"Can we hear what it is first?" Merlin asked, not wanting to agree to something that would be too uncomfortable.

"It's simple really, you two just have to hug," the mousy one said with a smile on his face.

"Excuse me?" Arthur asked.

"Just stand up and hug each other," the tall man clarified.

"They'll do it!" Leon shouted, desperate to get untied and back to Camelot.

"Now hold on a second," Arthur pleaded as the ropes were cut away from him and Merlin.

"Swallow your pride princess and hug Merlin," Gwaine said as Merlin was hoisted to his feet. He and Arthur were pushed closer together. Merlin became fascinated with his boots and could feel a blush beginning to creep up his neck.

"Can't I just apologize?" Arthur asked desperately.

"Really guys, its fine. I know he cares about me," Merlin said, still not looking up.

"Can you two just get it over with, I want to get back home," Elyan snapped.

"If friends can't be themselves when they are alone, there is no trust between them," the leader said as someone nudged Merlin forward.

"Let's get this over with," Arthur grumbled.

"Oh, no you don't. It has to be heartfelt and more than a second," the tall man said, proud that they were going to get a hug from these two. Arthur sighed, rolled his eyes and grabbed Merlin's wrist and pulled him into his chest.

Arthur circled his arms around Merlin and Merlin slid his up Arthur's back. Merlin blushed even harder as he heard cheers from everyone in the camp.

"I'm glad you're alright," Arthur whispered in Merlin's ear as he squeezed Merlin closer. Merlin smiled as he heard Arthur call out, "Can I let go of him now?"

"Alright, you're all free to go," The leader said, sounding almost disappointed. Arthur let go of Merlin quickly and stepped back. The knights began to make their way back to Camelot when Arthur growled at Percival.

"Why did you do that?"

"It was too good to pass up," Percival snickered as Leon attempted to school his features into a mask of indifference. It wasn't working.

"That was the sweetest thing I've ever seen," Gwaine laughed as Elyan rolled his eyes.

"This will not be mentioned ever again," Arthur said authoritatively.

"Whatever you say sire," Leon responded, still trying not to laugh.

**Yay! Lots of fluffy bromance for everyone! And Cottontail is back so that should help the grammar. I hoped you enjoyed "the hug" as I'm sure that's what the knights will be calling it from now on. Have a great rest of the week.**


	8. Gallus gallus domesticus

**One of the reviewers, Madkatt, asked for a more Leon-centric tale. I hope I delivered. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.**

Birds chirped happily as a group of knights rode through the forest. It was early enough in the morning to still maintain the freshness that had fallen with the dew the previous evening. However, it was late enough that the sun cast warm rays down on the small group as they traversed through the forest, enjoying the day off that didn't come often for them.

"Don't tell me you're already sore, _Mer_lin," Arthur joked as he sped past Gwaine. Gwaine took this as a challenge and began to race the young king.

"Well at least my horse won't get tired from carrying such a heavy load, _sire_," Merlin shouted as Gwaine and Arthur disappeared around the bend.

"Come now, he's not as big as Sir Edward," Leon murmured to Merlin. Merlin and Percival laughed and continued to follow the Gwaine and Arthur's tracks.

"They'd better not tire out the horses before noon, I want to stay away from Camelot for as long as possible," Percival said. Leon chuckled before looking around for Elyan. He hadn't heard him speak yet, and wanted to know if anything was bothering him. Leon spotted Elyan a little ways back and turned his horse to meet him.

"Is anything wrong?" he asked, causing Elyan to jump.

"I thought I heard something," Elyan responded, looking around the clearing.

"Like what?"

"Probably nothing. We are in a forest, after all. It was probably a bird or raccoon," Elyan said. Leon wasn't so sure. Something had set Elyan on edge, and he didn't like it. Leon turned to catch up with the others and warn them to be on their guard. Elyan was about to ride up next to Merlin, when he felt a sharp pain in his neck. He reached up and pulled out a dart. Immediately, his vision began to go fuzzy and before Elyan could call out to Leon, he fell off his horse into darkness.

Leon didn't miss the soft thud. He turned around to see Elyan's horse without a rider. Leon called out to the rest of the group just as another dart embedded itself in his neck.

"Leon!" Arthur cried as the other man fell off the horse into unconsciousness. He and Gwaine galloped back towards the Merlin and Percival just as they too, fell off their horses. Arthur unsheathed his sword, prepared to take out the invisible attacker, when Gwaine cried out and fell onto Arthur. Arthur felt a dart hit his neck, filling his bloodstream with poison. He tried to stay conscious as he fell from his horse, Gwaine still on top of him. He struggled to keep his eyes open as a pair of boots stopped right in front of him. Before Arthur could say anything though, he closed his eyes and succumbed to the blackness.

Leon groaned and opened his eyes. Several blurry figures appeared above him.

"Are you alright?" Merlin's voice asked.

"Of course he's alright, he was given the same thing we were," Arthur's voice responded, sounding slightly annoyed.

"He was out longer than any of us though. He could have hit his head," Merlin snapped back. Leon really wasn't in the mood for these two and their arguments.

"Can you two be quiet while my body wakes up all the way?" Leon asked, his words slurring slightly.

"Take your time, mate. But also hurry up," Gwaine said as he came into focus. Leon managed to get himself sitting up and looked around. Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, and he were in one cell. Across the way, Merlin and Arthur were in another cell.

"Do we know who did this?" Leon asked. Gwaine shook his head.

"He hasn't been down to talk to us," Percival clarified.

"How are we doing on escape plans?"

"Well, we have several ideas," Elyan stated happily.

"That's great," Leon replied with a smile. Perhaps escape would be quick and easy. The less time the group spent here, the better.

"Not really," Percival said, interrupting Leon's happy thoughts. "They're the plans we come up with before the actual, doable plans," he explained. Leon groaned.

"I still say it will work," Elyan snapped.

"I really don't want to bet my life on it though," Merlin responded. Leon massaged his temples. It was going to be a long day. Leon then heard clucking. He looked down to see a chicken nestled against his leg. That was weird.

"Does anyone want to explain the chicken?" Leon asked.

"It was here when I woke up," Gwaine answered.

"Perhaps this doubles as a barn," Percival said.

"Fantastic," Leon mumbled. The chicken clucked happily and continued to look up at Leon with unfocused eyes. Everyone snapped to attention as footsteps were heard. Leon stood up, much to the chicken's dismay, to get a better look at the person who had captured them. The chicken clucked angrily as it's pillow was no longer on the ground.

"Looks like someone likes you," Gwaine chuckled.

"Now is not the time or place," Percival said gently. Gwaine sighed and peered out through the bars. Arthur had positioned himself so he was standing in front of Merlin. Percival was flexing his muscles. Gwaine was fixing his hair. Leon could only guess what the knight was thinking.

Their host stepped around the corner and into the light. He wasn't really anything special. He was average height and build. He had cropped brown hair, cold blue eyes, and a beard. The captor looked at his prisoners and smiled. His teeth were so badly rotten, they were falling out of his head. Leon wondered why every villain the group faced couldn't grasp the concept of proper dental hygiene.

"Hello. My name is Charles. You don't really need to know that though," Charles chuckled. His voice caused Leon to shiver. It was so smooth and deep. It was truly unnerving to hear.

"What do you want?" Gwaine asked. Charles turned to him and smiled, again flashing those disgusting teeth.

"My employer wants some information about the castle," he responded in that suave, sophisticated voice.

"We won't give it to you," Elyan said bravely.

"Don't worry, when I'm through with you, you'll give me your first born," Charles said. He motioned for the guards to unlock the cell. They went over to the one Merlin and Arthur were in. Leon feared for what was going to happen next.

"So that's why you separated us," Leon said quietly.

"Can't have you boys putting up too much of a fight," Charles responded as Arthur and Merlin were put into cuffs and led out the cell.

"Why are you taking the servant?" Percival asked. Leon knew he was trying to make it sound like the group didn't care about Merlin, but Charles probably wasn't going to buy it.

"Because I want too," Charles responded, waving goodbye to the group before disappearing around the corner, Arthur and Merlin in tow. Gwaine looked like he was ready to kill someone.

"We need to get out of here, now!" Percival hissed as the guard took his post next too the corner.

"How? We are being watched and that bastard has Merlin," Gwaine snapped back.

"And Arthur," Elyan replied quietly. The group just sat in silence for a few seconds, with only the chicken's clucking to make noise. Elyan's face brightened up without explanation.

"What is it?" Leon asked, getting up. This startled the chicken, which had gotten back on Leon's legs, causing it too cluck angrily.

"Remember when we were in the tower?" Elyan asked. Percival sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Didn't we just have a conversation about how there are two types of plans we come up with? The ridiculous ones and the useful ones?" Percival said.

"This might work, and we don't have anything better," Elyan responded.

"Let's figure this out then," Leon said, exasperated that they were even discussing this. Gwaine was apparently thinking along the same lines.

"We're actually going to figure out the logistics?" he asked with eyebrows raised.

"Looks like it," Percival said, moving closer to Leon and Elyan. Gwaine shook his head, but he also smiled. Leon began to go over the details, with the other three adding in their own suggestions every once in a while. This was probably the most ridiculous thing they had ever done.

A wooden door was opened and Merlin and Arthur were thrown inside. Arthur stood up and looked around. This was probably where they were going to get tortured for information. He was forcefully led too a chair and pushed into it. His cuffs were undone, but replaced with thick leather straps around his wrists and ankles. Arthur looked up to see Merlin in much the same position. His chair was directly across from Merlin's. Arthur shuddered to think what was going to happen.

"I won't tell you anything," Arthur said coldly. Inside, he was panicking. Merlin was in here with him, and not just to watch the show. Arthur wouldn't give up Camelot that easily, but he wasn't sure how long he could hold out while Merlin was being tortured.

"You will," Charles said nonchalantly. He picked up a knife and began to examine it.

"I'll tell you lots of secrets," Merlin said. Wow. That was much faster than Arthur expected.

"Your servant has the right idea, Arthur Pendragon," Charles laughed.

"Gwaine never washes his socks." Charles' smile fell.

"What?"

"Yeah. I don't understand it. The man is a clean freak when it comes to his other clothes, but not his socks," Merlin said. Arthur failed to suppress a laugh. It appeared that Merlin wasn't going down that easily after all.

"That's not the information I want," Charles growled.

"You really should be more specific then. I mean, maybe you want to know about how Leon loves to sing. You should hear him when he's bathing," Merlin continued. Arthur laughed again. He wasn't sure if Merlin was trying to make him feel better about the situation, or if he was trying to anger Charles. Arthur was slightly scared that Charles would snap and really hurt Merlin, if he continued.

"You know, boy," Charles said calmly. Poor Merlin, he was always referred to as 'boy'. "Right now, I'm in the psychological torture phase."

"What's the other phases?" Merlin asked politely.

"Physical pain. I've never failed a client and I've never lost to a victim. I've always gotten the information I required," Charles said, standing threateningly over Merlin. Arthur hated that he was strapped down in the chair. He couldn't attack Charles and get his attention away from Merlin. Then, he got an idea.

"I hope you don't advertise that because that would be really embarrassing if you fail once," Arthur said strongly. Charles whipped around to face the king.

"Perhaps we should move right into physical pain," he spat, clutching the knife in his hands.

"You could say you have a 99% success rate," Merlin's voice called out. Charles' knuckles turned white and he faced Merlin again.

"That's still not as impressive. Maybe you could do 100% satisfaction or money back, guaranteed," Arthur said again. Charles spun back towards Arthur. He was getting really agitated. It was actually kind of fun to antagonize him.

"Or perhaps just not tell people your success rate. Then you'll look too cool to care," Merlin smiled. Charles attempted to control his breathing. Arthur knew the man couldn't do too much damage to either of them, or else chances of getting the information he needed would decrease. He was about to taunt Charles again when a guard came bursting through the door.

"What is it?" Charles spat as the guard straightened up his attire and went to address his master.

"The others, sir, I don't know what they're doing but-" Charles growled and pushed past the guard.

"Take these two as well," he shouted from the hallway. Merlin smiled at the guard as he undid his leather cuffs and replaced them with the metal ones. Arthur breathed a sigh of relief. He and Merlin weren't injured, that was excellent. The two were roughly pushed back into the hall and led back to their cells. As they got closer, Arthur began to understand why the guard had interrupted Charles.

"Is that...chanting?" Merlin whispered to Arthur as they continued down the hall.

"Remind me to make sure Gwaine doesn't ever drink again," Arthur murmured back. The two stopped, midstride, and gasped at the sight. The four knights were in a circle, bowing to a chicken that was sitting atop their cloaks.

"Are they?"

"I have no idea," Merlin said, his mouth hanging open.

"What the hell is going on here?" Charles shouted. Leon was pleased to see he looked stressed already. It would help their plan a lot.

"Go. Let me deal with this," Charles said, waving the guard away. The guard was about to say something, but then thought better of it and scampered off.

"If you think this will work-" Charles threatened.

"How dare you," Gwaine said, sitting up and breaking the chant. Leon had to bite back a laugh. "We are practicing our religion here. Do you know how important this day is to us?" Gwaine snapped, his hands on his hips.

"Your religion?" Charles asked, not believing a word of it.

"You are an intolerant bastard!" Elyan shouted. Leon gasped.

"Elyan, in front of the vessel of our lord. Have some respect," he scolded.

"Sorry, my great deity," Elyan said, as he continued to bow and chant.

"Is that Latin?" Merlin asked Arthur quietly.

"I think so," Arthur responded. He then looked at Merlin. Merlin understood and nodded, beginning to put one of their stock plans into action.

"Why weren't you worshiping the damn chicken before?" Charles asked, massaging his brow. This was the worst job he had ever had, and he was a royal chamber pot cleaner for three years.

"The sun was not in proper placement in the sky," Leon explained. "And how dare you refer to our lord and savior as a 'damn chicken'." Leon snapped. He pretended to gaze out the window for a second. Charles just stood there, awestruck at what he was seeing. He had never heard of a chicken worshiping religion, but these knights were really convincing.

"Are you part of this cult?" he asked Arthur.

"No, but I do not discriminate against religions," Arthur responded graciously. Charles nodded and turned back to the scene. Still dumbstruck at the idea.

"The sun is in place for the sacrifice!" Leon cried out. He really hoped Merlin would hurry up. He really didn't want to execute this part of the plan.

"So you're going to kill the chicken?" Charles said happily. The men all gasped.

"Why would he suggest such a blasphemous thing?" Gwaine shouted as he moved the chicken off of the cloaks and picked up one.

"We are going to hang Percival as a sacrifice," Leon explained.

"What!" Charles and Arthur cried in unison.

"To commemorate," Leon stopped and groaned. He shouldn't have let Gwaine come up with the names. "To commemorate when the Great Lord McClucker-"

"Praise McClucker," the knights all called in unison.

"When he defeated the evil cow, King Beefycakes," Leon explained. He was going to kill Gwaine after this.

"I'm sorry. What?" Arthur asked.

"King Beefycakes ruled this land many years ago," Leon started as Gwaine fastened the cape around the rafters. The chicken just continued to sit there, unaware that it was currently being regarded as a god. "He was a horrible ruler. The Great Lord McClucker-"

"Praise McClucker!"

"Thank you for that. He defeated King Beefycakes and to show his success, violently ripped out the tyrants heart and consumed it," Leon finished with a sigh.

"So why are you hanging him?" Charles asked.

"We don't have a knife to do the actual ceremony, so our Lord will have to take what he can get," Gwaine explained as he tied the cape around Percival's neck. Leon really hated this plan.

"This is ridiculous," Charles groaned.

"Not as ridiculous as leaving two prisoners unguarded," Arthur said smugly.

"What?" Charles said as he spun around into Merlin's oncoming pan. The metal clang echoed throughout the halls.

"Glad we gave him that advertising advice," Merlin said as they looked over the body.

"Shall we?" Arthur asked as he opened the cell door and let the others out. Leon bent down and picked up the chicken.

"Really Leon?" Arthur groaned as they made their way out of the cell. It appeared as though Merlin had taken care of the other guards as they were unconscious.

"We need a mascot," Gwaine said, petting the chicken.

"No we don't," Arthur groaned.

"It helps morale," Leon stated as the chicken nestled itself in his arms.

"I don't care. We are not having a chicken as a pet," Arthur said.

"I think it's cute," Merlin said as he scratched the chicken's head. Arthur didn't even bother turning around. He knew Merlin was pulling that damn kicked puppy look again.

"He hasn't expressly told us to get rid of it," Percival whispered to Leon as they mounted their horses and rode back to Camelot. Leon laughed and petted Lord McClucker. Mascots really did help morale. Arthur would realize this soon enough.

**For those who have read "An Incredibly Brave Escape" the chicken plan comes from the scene when they are in the tower discussing plans. The title comes from the scientific name for the domestic chicken. Thanks to Cottontail for editing this and making it even better. Have a wonderful week.**


	9. Just Another Pretty Face

**This was a request for fariedragon. I hope I've made you proud. I'm so sorry for not responding to my reviewers. I love hearing from you and so far, it seems as though Lord McClucker is the best story yet. Now, as for this story, there is a warning I would like to attach. It does get a little racy so if you're not into that kind of thing, wait until next week. For the rest of you, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. However, now I do own Lord McClucker.**

Leon sighed and sank back against the wooden chair he was currently sitting on. He was in a large room, awaiting to be "interrogated" by cruel and unusual methods. No one else was in the room with him. The other Knights of the Round Table, the king, and Merlin were still out in the dungeons. They were probably waiting to see how bad Leon looked after his session.

For whatever reason, Leon was chosen to go first, out of all of his companions. He wasn't complaining. In fact, Leon was relieved. Usually the mercenaries or enemies would go straight for Merlin and Arthur. It was actually nice of them to leave the two alone for the time being. Leon didn't know what was going to happen during this session, but he knew he could escape. If it was only him and one other man, it might be easy to feign weakness. The torturer would let down his guard, and Leon would take him down easily. However, Leon also hoped that the others were working on a plan as well. He wasn't sure what shape he would be in after a few hours of torture.

The large, wooden door swung open and hit the wall with a loud bang. Leon was taken by surprise and jumped slightly. After being in a silent room for so long, the sudden noise caused his heart rate to rise a little. Leon quickly recovered by sitting up straight and making his eyes look cold and hard. The torturer would see right through it. He would see Leon's fear for his safety, and the safety of the other men. The torturer would be well versed in both psychological and physical torture. Leon was prepared to show no fear and give the man no satisfaction. He continued to say this in his head as the man stepped into Leon's line of sight.

He looked the part of a heartless, sadistic bastard. He was tall, tanned, and very muscular. He probably had more muscles on him than Percival. Leon grimaced at the thought, but quickly made his lips work their way back into a thin line. The man also had deep green eyes and jet-black hair pulled into a ponytail. Several scars decorated the skin that was showing in his leather vest. Did these guys just scar themselves for fun? Seriously, most of the knights weren't as scarred as some of these mercenaries. It was really confusing to Leon why he had less battle wounds than some of these men. But he couldn't ponder on that too much, his host began to speak.

"I'm going to tell you my name. I'm going to let you know who is going to cause you pain so that you fear that name," he said in a low voice. Leon wanted to explain to him why that sentence didn't make much sense grammatically, but he decided to let it go.

"The name is Cenric, and I'm going to have so much fun with you," the mercenary said again, his lips pulling back into a nasty smile.

"I suppose you expect me to say 'I won't tell you anything'?" Leon sighed. He had played this game before. He knew how these men loved the dance.

"I'm guessing you're going to be different," Cenric said, turning to investigate a tray left on a large table in the center of the room.

"I try to provide a distinctive sort of entertainment," Leon said back. Cenric just chuckled. He turned around to reveal a large meat cleaver in his hands.

"It'll be a shame to destroy such a pretty face," he said to himself. Leon was about to answer when he caught Cenric's eyes. They did seem generally sad about this fact. Wait. Could it be? Leon inwardly groaned too himself. He now had an escape plan, and he wasn't too fond of carrying it out.

Percival sat back against the cell wall. Merlin was pacing nervously around the cell. He could tell the man was worried about Leon. The group had been out on patrol when they were ambushed by a group of knights from an enemy kingdom. They were subdued and taken to a fortress where the head knight inspected each man (including Merlin) before choosing Leon to go first for the torture. Everyone was so shocked he hadn't chosen Merlin, they stood frozen while Leon was led out of the cell with an equally surprised look on his face. Leon had been gone for about twenty minutes, and despite Gwaine's reassurances that they weren't hearing any screaming, everyone was still on edge, waiting for their friend to return.

What was even worse was the fact that no one could come up with any plans of escape. Everyone seemed to be out of ideas. If there was ever a time for Elyan to start mentioning how the group could use cows, or Gwaine to start drinking, or Merlin to start using his innocent looks, it was now. But the group was stuck. It was like Leon was the escape muse they all relied on.

Percival decided to study the guard. That was usually the first step in forming a plan: look for weaknesses. He looked up out of the cell to see the guard quickly lower his gaze. That was weird. Why was the guard avoiding eye contact? Usually, the good guards tried to keep an eye on their charges at all times. Percival continued to stare intently at the guard while Merlin finally collapsed down next to him. Merlin looked at Percival and realized he was staring at the guard and decided not to talk to him. The guard looked back up and caught Percival's eye. They stared at each other for a few seconds before the guard dropped his gaze again.

It was official, the guard was staring at Percival. Perhaps Percival appeared more of a threat than the others. He was certainly the biggest. He had put up much more of a fight when captured. But there was something else. The way the guard looked at him wasn't with hatred or even fear. It was… oh gods. NO! Not again! The man was looking at Percival with adoration. Bloody adoration! Fantastic! Percival groaned and began forming a plan. Why was it always him that ended up in these situations. Why couldn't an evildoer find Elyan attractive, or Gwaine, or hell, even Merlin? But no, it was Percival that once again, had to flirt his way out of a cell. This should not happen as much as it did. But if it was a way out, Percival better get to work.

"Play along and tell the others to stay quiet," Percival murmured to Merlin. Merlin nodded and crawled over to where Gwaine, Elyan, and Arthur were sitting.

"Percival has a plan, but he wants us to stay out of it," Merlin said quietly.

"What is it?" Elyan asked, sitting a little taller and looking at Percival, who had made his way over to the bars.

"He didn't say. He just wants us to keep quiet," Merlin responded.

"I hope it works," Gwaine said, leaning back to watch the show. Percival took a deep breath and prepared to begin. This was really embarrassing and he really did not want to lead on a man he would just end up knocking out later. Then again, they did capture the group and they were torturing Leon right now. Percival sighed and decided he better start soon, or else his chance would be lost.

"Hey, you, come here," Percival commanded softly. The guard looked up again and then slowly made his way over to where Percival was kneeling.

"What do you want?" he asked harshly. Percival feared for a second, that he had misinterpreted the man's gaze. Perhaps he wasn't into Percival.

"The way you were looking at me before, was it what I think it was?" Percival said vaguely. Hopefully the guard would clarify his feelings so Percival could react accordingly.

"Why do you want to know," the man snapped again.

"Because I feel the same way," Percival said strongly, hoping he was indeed portraying an emotion of adoration and possibly love.

"Should we cover Merlin's ears?" Gwaine muttered to Arthur.

"Let's see where this is going first," Arthur responded.

"Guys, I'm not five!" Merlin snapped quietly. He really wasn't so innocent that all mentions of love were too racy for him. The group paid no heed too Merlin's comment and continued to watch the scene unfold.

"Are you sure?" the guard asked, his tone suddenly softened, much to Percival's simultaneous pleasure and displeasure.

"I'm sure. I was just afraid that one such as yourself, would feel differently towards men. I did not want to get hurt with foolish prospects of hope," Percival responded.

"So that's where this is going," Elyan laughed uncomfortably.

"I would never lead someone on just to crush their souls," the guard gasped, clearly taken aback by what Percival was suggesting.

"I have been hurt before by a man. I looked at him much the same way as you did to me. But in the end, I meant nothing too him," Percival sighed.

"Where are we drawing the line again?" Gwaine asked Arthur.

"It's not that bad," Merlin snapped. He did not need his ears to be covered.

"That's awful," the guard responded, ignoring the other men in the cell. "I too have faced the evils of men."

"Tell me about them," Percival said softly. Gods, this was embarrassing. The group would never let him live this down.

"I do not wish to bore you with the details," the sentry responded, his eyes downcast.

"I told you about my heartbreak. It is only fitting you tell me about yours," Percival said. The guard looked up and smiled. Percival smiled back. His, however, was forced. He hoped he looked pleasant and understanding. Hopefully the guard would open the door and allow Percival to knock him unconscious before things got too serious. The man began to recount one of his past loves. Percival attempted to seem both interested and sad at the tale. He hoped this would be over soon.

Leon prepared his speech as the tormentor set down the meat cleaver and began to look at another knife. His friends were never going to find out about this. Instead, he would tell them that the man loosened the straps on the chair to cut Leon's wrists. Then, when he turned around to get the knife, Leon jumped him and knocked him out. Leon was not going to give them the full account on how he escaped, if he could help it.

"Perhaps a pretty face such as mine would look even better in another position," Leon said strongly. At least, he hoped it was strong sounding. Cenric dropped the knife to the ground with a clatter and turned to face Leon. Leon stared intently up at the man.

"What do you mean 'in another position'?" he asked uncertainly. Leon was pleased to see the man's breathing rate increase. He also was really upset that it had increased. That meant Leon actually had to go through with his plan.

"Do I have to do everything?" Leon sighed. "Use your imagination. It really shouldn't be that difficult to picture. I wasn't exactly subtle," Leon snapped. Cenric nodded awkwardly and bent down to pick up the knife, only to fumble with it before kicking it into a corner.

"I was unaware you practiced that sort of thing," Cenric said with a smile. Oh gods, what had Leon gotten himself into?

"Perhaps we should skip the torture and go right into the fun part," the torturer grinned. "Unless you're into that sort of thing."

"No, not really," Leon said shakily as Cenric made his way over to the chair and undid Leon's bonds. Cenric hoisted Leon out of the chair and pushed him against the table. Leon took this chance to roll across to the other side, landing on his feet and looking directly at Cenric. Cenric laughed with glee as he stood on the other side of the table.

"Playing hard to get now? I love it!" he cried as he attempted to catch Leon by chasing him around the table. Leon stopped where Cenric was originally standing, with Cenric directly across from him. This was not going as well as Leon had originally hoped. Cenric giggled again before attempting to catch Leon for a second time in a row.

"I love a tease!" he exclaimed as they came to another stop directly across from one another. Cenric then stood up straight with a look of pure joy in his eyes.

"I know! How about we role-play?" he exclaimed happily.

"The stars cannot compare to the brilliance that are your eyes," Percival said softly to the guard on the other side of the cell door. They had been exchanging words of praise and love for the past 15 minutes and the man still had yet to open the cell door. If this continued for much longer, Percival would reach through the bars and knock the man out right then and there. Screw the consequences. Across the cell, Gwaine groaned.

"This is taking forever! Why can't he just open the door and attempt to snog Perce?" he asked quietly.

"This poetry that Percival is reciting is way too syrupy sweet for my tastes. Honestly, I think I'm going to be sick!" Arthur complained.

"Do you even read any of the poetry I write for you?" Merlin snapped. Elyan and Gwaine stopped concentrating on Percival and looked at the two men.

"Is there a relationship here that we don't know about?" Gwaine asked.

"Not like that! I write the poetry for Gwen that's supposed to come from Arthur," Merlin said, rolling his eyes.

"Wait, you don't write my sister poetry?" Elyan asked Arthur. "She always raves about how romantic you are, and it's coming from Merlin?" Elyan cried. Arthur was about to argue with Elyan when Merlin interrupted him.

"He tried to write Gwen poetry once. He ended up comparing her to a banana," Merlin said. Gwaine burst out laughing.

"It was romantic!" Arthur cried out.

"No, it wasn't," Merlin responded.

"Why does Percival know about the poetry you write?" Elyan asked.

"Because he sometimes helps me write it. And he looks over the finished pieces to make sure they are sweet enough," Merlin replied. Gwaine continued to laugh loudly, much too the guard's annoyance.

"Excuse me, we are trying to talk here," the guard snapped as Gwaine attempted to stop laughing.

"Sorry, it's not directed at you guys," Gwaine apologized, wiping tears from his eyes. Percival glared at Gwaine before turning back too the guard.

"I wish to know not only your physical beauty, but also your mental prowess as well," Percival stated. So far he hadn't had any physical contact with the guard. Percival wished to keep it that way. The man, however, had other ideas. He reached out and stroked Percival's cheek. Percival tried not to flinch.

"I am not smart," he said quietly.

"But you appreciate art, that is all the finesse I need," Percival said, taking the man's hand and directing it away from his face.

"You are too sweet for me, sir knight," the sentry said, a large smile breaking out on his face. This man had three minutes to open the door before Percival just punched him through the bars. Percival forced a smile and began to recite more poetry.

"Role playing?" Leon asked, his eyes widening considerably. This was going much worse than he had originally planned.

"You can be the coach master, and I your passenger!" Cenric cried out as he climbed over the table and went to grab Leon.

"Whoa now!" Leon cried out as he twisted away from the man's outreached hand.

"Come here, my coach master. Don't you want to please your passenger?"

"Gods, help," Leon squeaked as he desperately looked for a way out of the situation. He might just have to try beating Cenric over the head with a chair.

"Wait! I have a better idea, stable boy and nobleman!" Cenric said.

"I'm out!" Leon cried as he raced to the door and prayed it was unlocked. Thank the gods, it was! Leon raced down the corridors and hoped Cenric would think this was part of their game and not an escape attempt. He didn't call out for guards, so that was a good thing.

"I feel that you are not as into this as I am," the guard said as he attempted to caress Percival again. Percival yelped and fell back, attempting to evade the man's wandering hands. That was a mistake.

"You are!" the guard cried out. He pulled his sword out of his scabbard and went to unlock the door. Percival knew this couldn't be good. Before the man could make it very far, he cried out in pain and slumped over, revealing a very disheveled looking Leon.

"Leon!" everyone cried out in relief as Leon unlocked the doors and let everyone out.

"We need to go now," he said as he turned and began leading the way down the hall.

"How did you escape?" Arthur asked as he went to catch up with Leon.

"I'll tell you later," Leon responded. Luckily, he could still give the less embarrassing version of events. Never mind.

"Oh stable boy! Come and take me!" Cenric's voice called out from around the corner. Everyone stopped and stared at Leon.

"What did you do?" Gwaine asked.

"Let's just go before he realizes what I've done," Leon hissed while still trying to lead the party out of the dungeons. Merlin and Gwaine turned around before Gwaine yelped and covered Merlin's eyes.

"Gwaine! I need to be able to see!" Merlin cried out as Gwaine steered him out the door.

"What are you doing?" Cenric cried out angrily. He now realized that Leon was attempting to escape.

"You really shouldn't see that," Gwaine said as Percival gasped and grabbed Merlin, blocking his view of Cenric. Merlin didn't have time to look back though as the group continued to make their way out of the castle.

"Is that even comfortable?" Percival asked. Gwaine shrugged his shoulders and continued to run.

"Guys, I'm the physician's assistant. I see naked people all the time," Merlin whined.

"He wasn't quite naked," Leon laughed sheepishly while they saddled some horses and prepared to ride into the forest.

"I don't think I'll ever look at leather the same way again," Arthur shuddered. The group heard shouts coming from the castle and knew that they had to speed things along if they wanted to successfully escape. The group rode through the forests with lightning speed before coming to Camelot's gates.

"I can't believe you endured that," Gwaine said, his face bright red from embarrassment.

"No man on Earth, should be allowed to see that man dressed like that," Arthur said, he too, was bright red.

"He wasn't dressed like that when I left," Leon snapped.

"At least now we know Percival is into romantic things and Leon is into kinky things," Elyan sniggered.

"You guys still don't need to treat me like I'm a blushing maiden," Merlin muttered to himself.

"Do you want to fill us in on what happened, or are we going to just use our imagination?" Arthur said, turning to Leon as the group dismounted and made their way to the council chambers. Leon decided to give the group the actual events that happened. He knew it was better than letting their imaginations run wild, no matter how embarrassing the event had been. And besides, it looked as though Percival had quite the ordeal as well.

**Another story complete. I know this is kind of early for my usual postings, but I don't want to get up and post this tomorrow. I already have to get up early. Anyways, thanks for reviewing. More adventures will soon follow!**


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